Women’s Dating Timelines

Women are weird. As someone whose job it is to observe how women behave, they still surprise me sometimes. I want to share a story with you that illustrates the strange, seemingly unpredictable fluctuations in a woman’s desire to fornicate.

I matched with a girl on Tinder some six months ago. Let’s call her Amy. Amy was a cute, laid back stoner chick. I don’t remember much of the initial interaction, but I know we talked on the phone a bit and I thought she seemed pretty cool. For some reason I can’t remember, we never ended up actually meeting.

Just last week I got a text message from a number I didn’t recognize. I asked who it was, and the unknown texter sent me several photos. One of which was her in a bra with her nipple slipping out a little bit. I didn’t recognize who she was; at first I thought she was a girl I had known in high school. As you probably guessed, it wasn’t the girl from high school, it was Amy. Long story short: I went over to her apartment that night and was balls deep in her love tunnel ten minutes later.

Of course I was pretty happy about this turn of events. But it struck me as a little strange. What made this girl whom I’d never actually met and basically forgotten about all of a sudden decide she wanted my man meat in her girl cave after six months of no contact? It didn’t really make sense. It was her, after all, who had weaseled out of going on a date after we had first met on Tinder.

The answer, as it often is, is that women are just different. They’re complicated. It’s difficult for us men to understand because we are so much simpler. If she’s hot, available, and the wife isn’t home, we want to bang. Clear, simple, end of story.

women sex timeline

…the part about the wife was a joke

Women aren’t so simple. There are a lot of different reasons why women sleep with men, and there are even more reasons why they might not want to. Examples of the former include general horniness, desire to make babies, trade for something (i.e. money), excitement, revenge, etc. Reasons they might choose not to have sex include lack of libido, fear of social judgment, fear of being hurt, self-consciousness (this is a surprisingly big one even for hot girls), psychological issues with intimacy, or a whole host of other reasons. The pros have to outweigh the cons in her mind if she is going to have sex with you.

Since there are so many reasons, and these may change from time to time, it would serve us well to understand that just because a woman isn’t DTF one day doesn’t mean she won’t be a day or a week or six months later. As such, even if you fail the first time you might succeed later. Depending on the situation, it may be worth trying again.

In my particular case, since am an ever-curious researcher of the mating tendencies of the human female, I asked Amy why she had blown me off at first and made contact again six months later. She told me that she was intimidated by me and was afraid I would reject her. She only worked up the courage to meet me in person after she had spent six months going to the gym and getting in shape. Totally unexpected. Of course, one should always take women’s explanations of their own behavior with a grain of salt, since they often don’t fully understand or are unwilling to admit their true desires. But I think she was telling the truth.

The takeaway from this is twofold. One: it’s not always you. Sometimes it’s the situation. And situations change. And two: what seems like a rejection may be nothing of the sort. She may be totally interested in you but is afraid of being rejected herself. In this case, trying to build more attraction won’t help at all; instead you need to build comfort. If you are to attain maximal success in your dealings with the fairer sex, you need to recognize both possibilities.

 

Being a Player Won’t Make You Happy

I know I am far from the first pickup artist to share this sentiment, and I know this kind of warning is usually ignored, but I was feeling particularly introspective today and I feel that I bear some responsibility to my readers to reiterate this point anyway. Learning game–that is, how to attract women–does not mean that you have to fuck huge numbers of girls. It does, of course, give you the ability to do so if you so choose. It is in our biological nature to desire sexual variety, so many men who learn game do just that. And it is fun. But in this post I want to make the point that there are significant drawbacks to being a player, such that it may be worth practicing a little restraint even when you have effectively unlimited options.

I’ve slept with a lot of girls, but I’ve never been the fuck ’em and leave ’em type. I like sexual variety, but like most men I also have a deep longing for loving, meaningful relationships with women. In practice, I tend to go for a balance of both, and I end up with a series of overlapping mini-relationships with a bunch of different girls (“spinning plates”, to use the Red Pill parlance). I’ve had my fair share of both one night stands and exclusive relationships as well, but more commonly I go for the non-exclusive mini-relationships.

As with most things in life, you can’t have everything. If you only have one night stands, any meaningful connection you might feel is ripped away from you after the night is over. If you get married, you give up sexual variety to be faithful to your wife. And mini-relationships come with their own special set of associated sorrows.

Part of what inspired me to write this post was this article from the ever-wise hedonic guru Chateau Heartiste. In response to the question of what happens to the girls with whom he has his mini-relationships, Heartiste responds:

Some drifted away, some left purposefully, some cried on my porch, some stormed off angrily. Some texted forlornly, but got no reply at all.

The women never left, they just faded to gray.

I found this to be a heart-wrenchingly accurate description. The sad truth of the matter is that if you pursue this strategy, you will meet many beautiful, sweet, happy young girls, grow to have a great deal of affection for them, and then–after depleting a portion of their precious youth–inevitably break their hearts.

Sometimes you get lucky and the universe sees fit to present you with an easy way out, but other times you will have no choice but to endure a tearful goodbye with a girl you sincerely care about who just can no longer handle your unwillingness to be with her and only her. Unless you happen to be blessed (?) with a particularly sociopathic predisposition, this will leave you feeling sad, lonely, and guilty.

And that guilt  will slowly eat away at your soul, like a little rabbit nibbling on a piece of lettuce. The more you lose, the more calloused you will become, the better you will get at attracting girls, but the harder it will be to have a real, meaningful relationship. It is a cruel paradox of human nature that the more a man appreciates and longs for the love of a woman, the less women find him desirable.

Of course I am not suggesting that you shouldn’t learn game. Quite the contrary: whether your goal is to fuck a thousand women or to find your soul mate, either way you will be more likely to attain your goals if you have game. So keep learning, but take some time to really be honest with yourself about what it is that you really want. And don’t sacrifice part of your humanity without being aware of the consequences.

As for me, perhaps one day in the near future I’ll stumble upon a woman who meets my (perhaps unrealistically high) standards for a long-term partner, eschew the noisy hedonism of big city life, and move away to the country to pursue a more wholesome and fulfilling life. Or maybe I’ll be unable to pry myself away from the plentiful pussy of the urban metropolis and stay single forever. Time will tell.

Location Matters

It’s a fact I had long suspected but have now confirmed. The particular sexual market economics of your location will have a huge effect on your success with women. I can say this with a great deal of confidence after having recently experienced it firsthand for two weeks in Colombia (take a look at this post for some of the glorious details).

The women in Colombia were beautiful, sweet, feminine, down to earth, and very receptive to my approaches. I was there for two weeks and had a date almost every night. Tinder was a breeze; I was getting matches like crazy, and most of them were responding enthusiastically. My first few daygame approaches just outside my Airbnb (there were hot girls walking around everywhere) hooked and closed easily. And I already had several local girls lined up in advance from my Instagram.

Even despite the fact that most of the girls didn’t speak English (and my Spanish is mediocre), this trip to Colombia was the easiest picking up girls has ever been for me at any time in my life. This begs the question: why was it so much easier in Colombia than here at home in the US?

The answer is quite obvious after spending a few minutes in Colombia: the quality of women is much higher. There were hot young women walking around everywhere. Hell, even the older women were bangable. And this is how it’s supposed to be. Fertile young women are built by a great many years of natural selection to attract the attention of high value men.

pick up foreign women

Colombian woman

What is absolutely not natural is for two-thirds of the female population to effectively remove themselves from consideration for any discriminating man by getting grotesquely fat. This is the problem in the US. The majority of the female population stuffs themselves with cupcakes and doughnuts, then spend all the time they could be outside running instead posting pictures of their corpulent masses on “body positivity” blogs so other lonely, unloved land whales can tell them they’re beautiful.

fat American woman

…I’m so proud

In Colombia, you can walk down a busy city street for hours before seeing a single fat chick. It’s beautiful. But more important than the general aesthetics (ironic aside: the city I was staying in had a park filled with statues of fat people), are the implications for the sexual market.

The fact that in the US two thirds of women are fat means that EVERY GUY is chasing the remaining one third of women that are thin. The dating prospects of the thin women are tripled! If you ever wondered why thin girls tend to be so quick to tell their fat friends “you’re not fat!”, “you’re beautiful just the way you are!”, etc….now you know. Women with artificially tripled dating prospects can afford to be insufferable, entitled princesses.

Colombian women are sweet and friendly and feminine because they have to compete. It’s basic economics. The cable company has shitty customer service because it has a monopoly on the local market and doesn’t have to compete; the mom and pop restaurant has excellent service because dissatisfied customers can go to a competing restaurant instead. Same with women. And men, for that matter. More competition = better service. Obesity rates are (indirectly) a huge determinant of the quality of even non-obese women.

This is NOT TO SAY that the rules of game don’t apply in non-fat countries. As some in the community are fond of saying: there is no pussy paradise. The rules of game absolutely still apply. But in a non-obese country, the scale slides in our favor. If the average girl in the US is a 5, the average girl in Colombia is a 7. If your game is good enough to pull 5s in the US, the same level of game will get you 7s in Colombia. In other words, you get girls 2 points hotter for doing nothing more than changing your location.

So when you’re planning your next vacation (or move), it might be worth a few extra minutes of your time to look up some data on the obesity rates in the places you’re planning on visiting. The fewer fatties, the more (and more accessible) hotties. I haven’t been myself, but I’ve heard that Eastern Europe and East Asia are particularly good spots as well.

But if you’re a proud, red-blooded American (or Brit/German/citizen of other fat country) who isn’t comfortable outsourcing his dating prospects to exotic foreign vixens, then do your patriotic duty to your country and shame a fatty today.

The Dominance Hierarchy and Male Attractiveness

Over the last few weeks I’ve been watching a series of lectures by the psychologist Jordan Peterson, in which he explains the function of the male dominance hierarchy and its relationship to sexual selection. These evolutionary psychology concepts have clear implications for those of us who would like to improve our own success with women, but can be a bit opaque to the lay reader. I’m going to make it more accessible.

Genetic testing of modern humans has led scientists to estimate that historically about 80% of women and only about 40% of men have been able to reproduce successfully. If you’re wondering how the sexes could be so mismatched, it means that every reproductively successful man impregnated two women on average.

A woman can only be impregnated by one man every nine months, at maximum. Whereas one man could theoretically impregnate a thousand women during that same timespan. Since the number of men and women is about equal, this makes female reproductive capacity far more scarce–and thus far more economically valuable–than male reproductive capacity. This means that women are the primary agents of sexual selection.

What that means, in English, is that women are in general a lot more picky about choosing men than men are about choosing women. It also means that as a man, the deck is stacked against you. This means that you are more likely than not to FAIL at having sex with women. That is, unless you can get into that top 40%. Average won’t cut it.

The Dominance Hierarchy

So how do women choose which men are worthy of their scarce vaginas? The answer, curiously, is that men choose themselves. They do this by way of a dominance hierarchy. A dominance hierarchy is a natural, spontaneous ordering of males from most dominant to least dominant. You can envision a dominance hierarchy as similar to a corporate org chart. It is pyramid shaped, with the CEO at the top, the other executives under him, the middle management under them, etc., until you get to the grunt workers at the bottom.

dominance hierarchy corporate org chart

A dominance hierarchy looks a lot like a corporate org chart

All species of social animals have some form of dominance hierarchy. For some animals, this hierarchy is ordered according to a single factor, such as physical size. This is the case for the elephant seal, for example. A male elephant seal can determine his place on the hierarchy very easily. If he is the largest male, he is the alpha, and he is entitled to all the females. If he is not the largest, then he is a beta male, and is not entitled to mate with the females. If a beta tries to mate with a female, the female will loudly protest, and the beta male risks being physically harmed by the more powerful alpha male. Therefore the beta male elephant seal has an instinctual fear of trying to mate with females, since doing so would put his life in jeopardy.

The human dominance hierarchy is far more complicated than that of the elephant seal, but shares the same basic functioning. Every human male instinctively knows his place in the dominance hierarchy, and our subconscious minds guide our behavior and feelings accordingly in various situations. Approach anxiety, for example, is our instinctive reaction to the prospect of hitting on a girl to whom we are not entitled, given our place in the dominance hierarchy. It is the same as the aversion felt by the beta male elephant seal that keeps him from mating with the females.

Also like the elephant seal, a woman’s interest in mating with a man is determined by his place on the dominance hierarchy. A man who mates with a woman by force is similarly punished by higher ranking men. And in more primitive cultures, even hitting on a woman to whom a man is not entitled is grounds for physical punishment. In modern society, such men get by with the rather minor punishment of being called “creepy” by onlookers and other such displays of social disapproval.

But unlike the elephant seal, the human male dominance hierarchy is quite complex. And one man is likely to be a part of multiple dominance hierarchies at the same time. Some hierarchies are clearly delineated. A CEO is the alpha male in his company’s dominance hierarchy. The Head of State of a country is the alpha male in his country’s political structure.

Other hierarchies are less obvious. A rock star or a movie star may be high in a dominance hierarchy, despite perhaps not having anyone formally working for him. Dominance is determined by a number of factors beyond formal authority. Physical size, strength, wealth, fame, intelligence, attractiveness, creativity, personality, and a variety of other characteristics can factor into a man’s place in a dominance hierarchy.

So how does anybody figure out who is where on such a complicated hierarchy? The answer is that we place ourselves by comparing ourselves to others. We each have a deeply ingrained perception of our own status, and we size up other males and compare ourselves to them. We do most of this on a subconscious level.

If you are a typical guy, and you find yourself face to face with a famous rock star, you are instinctively going to judge his place on the dominance hierarchy as higher than yours, and you will act in a way that is deferential to his higher status. Similarly, if you are face to face with a beggar on the street, you will naturally expect him, being of lower status, to defer to you. We defer to those whom we deem higher status than ourselves, because deferring is easier than getting into a fight we are likely to lose, or risking alienation by society as a whole.

Your subconscious mind will make this comparison with just about every other man with whom you interact. Most of the time the comparison will be less obvious to your conscious mind. But your subconscious is extremely observant. It will pick up the tiniest cues from another man’s posture, vocal tone, movement, word choice, body language, etc. to make this determination.

Sometimes it is not immediately clear which man holds the higher position. Let’s say you and another guy both judge yourselves to be higher status than the other. In this case it largely comes down to conviction. If you are more convinced of your higher status, he will pick up on that from your body language, and will reassess your status as higher than his own.

The subconscious minds of women are also very adept at determining men’s place on the male dominance hierarchy. Women are attracted to men who have a high position in the hierarchy. You’ve probably heard a million times that the most attractive characteristic in a man is confidence. This is basically true, but I’m going to be more specific. The most attractive characteristic in a man is his own conception of his high position on the dominance hierarchy. This looks a lot like confidence.

And it shows. Men have been trying to fake confidence (i.e. a high position in the dominance hierarchy) in the presence of women for millennia. This is very difficult to do, because women are very adept at deciphering tiny signals and can instinctively spot fakers.

This leads us to the obvious question: where does our conception of our own position on the dominance hierarchy come from? This where it gets tricky. Our subconscious mind has built our self conception on the accumulation of our entire lifetime’s worth of experiences, including during childhood. A kid who was bullied in school, abused by his parents, or rejected by other kids may well grow up to have a rather negative conception of himself. Even if he becomes rich and good looking, he may still carry this negative self-conception as a relic of his formative experiences.

If you’ve ever seen a tall, handsome, well-dressed guy timidly try to start a conversation with a girl and get coldly rejected (happens all the time), something like this is the issue. And it only compounds itself. Every time he gets rejected, it reinforces his assessment of himself as low on the dominance hierarchy. It’s a very difficult cycle to break.

So is it possible to improve your subconscious conception of your own place in the dominance hierarchy? The answer, thankfully, is yes. Your subconscious generalizes from examples. You need to give it new examples that show that your position has changed and you’ve managed to move up to a higher position on the dominance hierarchy. As luck would have it, I’m going to tell you exactly how you can do this.

Step One: Realize that hitting on girls is not actually dangerous

Before you can start focusing on success with women, you have to get rid of your fear of trying. If you are naturally a beta male, as most men are, you are going to have some anxiety when hitting on girls. You need to accept your fear (which is totally normal), and face it.

Do exactly what you are afraid to do. Go talk to women. The more uncomfortable it makes you, the better. The less alcohol involved, the better. I have a great program to gradually ease you into it, which you can find here.

You will almost certainly get rejected a lot at first. That’s ok. Your purpose in this step is simply to show your subconscious mind that nothing truly bad happens when you hit on girls. If you live in a modern Western society, nobody is going to come chop your head off because you talked to a girl to whom you were not entitled. The more your subconscious sees that there is no real danger, the less anxiety you will have around attractive women.

Step Two: Convince yourself that you are attractive to women

Ok, for step one let’s say you’ve talked to 100 women and been rejected by all of them. You’ve also managed to subdue (to a large extent) your fear of talking to women. Your subconscious still believes that you are low on the dominance hierarchy and unworthy of attractive women, and those 100 rejections didn’t help. Now you have to start working to remove that self-image.

What you need is a large supply of experiences during which you were successful with women. If you have a negative self image, chances are you have many more negative experiences than positive. This reinforces your negative self image. If you hit on a girl, your negative self image is going to turn her off, and she’s going to reject you. It’s a catch 22. You’re out of luck…right?

NO! This part of your brain can be hacked. You can trick your brain by implanting experiences that you never actually had in real life, as well as by repeating the good experiences you have had in the past. As it turns out, this part of your brain is incapable of distinguishing reality from fantasy. All you have to do is visualize. Play in your mind scenarios, which can be real OR imagined, in which you’re interacting with people and they are reacting positively to you. I recommend imagining interactions with both men and women, since both are related to your place on the dominance hierarchy.

This is called a visualization exercise, and the more you repeat it, the better. Many professional athletes and powerful businessmen use visualization exercises to enhance their performance. It works. I’ve had great success using them to help me in my interactions with women as well. The more often you do it, the better it will work. The new positive experiences will eventually overwhelm the old negative experiences, and your subconscious will gradually move you up the dominance hierarchy.

Another exercise that I’ve found helpful is watching infield videos of guys successfully picking up girls. But–this is important–you have to be able to identify with the guys in the videos. If you watch the video and think “He’s much better looking than me. I could never do that”, you’re not helping. But if you think “hey, I could do that!” and actually imagine yourself doing it, you’re giving your subconscious a positive experience, with the added benefit of getting a better idea of how women respond in the real world.

You can assess your progress by gauging your own instinctual reactions to real or imagined interactions with other people. For example, let’s say you pass a pretty girl on the street. Visualize what her response would be if you went up to introduce yourself to her. Don’t try to push it one way or the other, just let your subconscious create the image.

If the first image you get is of the girl being attracted to you and happy that you introduced yourself, your self-imposed position on the dominance hierarchy has risen. If, on the other hand, the first thing you imagine is her responding with “Ew, get away from me, creep!”, then you clearly have more work to do. You can reassess every once in a while during your visualization practice, and be sure to appreciate the progression through the many shades of grey between believing you’re an ugly repulsive worm and believing you’re James Bond.

Step Three: Start accumulating positive experiences with real people

Visualization is great for manipulating your self-image. But it doesn’t adequately prepare you to anticipate people’s responses in real life. If you’ve never considered yourself high status before, you may not have much reference experience of how people respond to high status men. Now is the time to start seeking out real life interactions with which to apply your new conception of yourself as high on the dominance hierarchy. Again, I recommend going for interactions with both men and women.

This part is very satisfying. You will notice both men and women respond to you far more favorably. Men will be happy to listen to you talk, respect your opinions, and look for your approval and friendship. Women will look at you more, “accidentally” bump into you, display submissive body language to you, and be happy to get to talk to you. It feels great, and you should enjoy it.

The more you interact with people while instinctually believing that you are a high dominance man, the more you will cement that belief into your subconscious mind. Your success with women will constantly improve. And when you do have bad days (which you will; nobody is perfect), you can fall back on your positive visualizations, which will get your subconscious back in its proper place.

 

 

 

A Tale of Two Instagram Girls

Gather round boys and girls, for today I have for you a tale of my adventures that illustrates a bit of the nature of women and how best to seduce them. Part of this story is a little embarrassing for me. Yes, even the esteemed Christian Grey makes pitiable errors in his seductive judgment at times. But I am going to share it with you anyway so that you may avoid the shame that is brought upon a man by practicing poor game.

A couple weeks ago my travels brought me to the beautiful land of Colombia to indulge myself in some exotic beauties and choice cocaine. Actually I avoided the drugs, as I’m a little uneasy about the prospect of being a gringo in a foreign prison. But the quality of women there was unbelievable. There were beautiful women walking around everywhere. Hardly a fatty in sight. Even the older women were moderately attractive. It was daygamers’ paradise. And daygame I did, though that is not the subject of this post.

Instagram Girl #1: What Not To Do

If you’ve been following this blog, you know I’ve devised a system to amass a considerable following of girls on Instagram who love my particular archetype. It’s a little hard to believe, but some girls really will obsess over and even fall in love with a man they’ve never actually met in person. Anyway, I arranged to meet one of my Instagram followers, a very sweet looking 20 year old brunette, in her town near Medellin. Let’s call her Maria (not her real name).

After spending a few days in Medellin, I hopped on a bus, traversed through the incredibly beautiful scenery of the Andes mountains, and found a hotel in her town (I would have invited myself to stay with her, but, like most girls I met in Colombia, she lived with her parents). The odds of me seducing this girl were totally stacked in my favor; I figured it was already a done deal. She had been leaving comments with lots of heart emojis in all my pictures, messaged me first on Instagram, added me on Facebook, and even told me over messenger that she thought she would fall in love with me.

Pretty hard to screw that up, you might think, but I did. After a four hour long bus ride (progress is slow driving through the mountains), I arrived at my hotel room. I told Maria that I had arrived, and she was to come by and meet me and show me around the city.

I met Maria outside my hotel room. She was young, cute (not super hot, but definitely bangable), and sweet. I gave her a hug. She showed me around her (mostly unremarkable) city, stopping here and there for food and coffee. We had some difficulty communicating, as she only spoke Spanish. We had talked in Spanish over WhatsApp previously and had no problems, but reading and writing is easier for me than speaking. So I was kind of struggling to understand what she was saying, which brought down my confidence in my ability to navigate the situation a bit.

She left that afternoon to pick up her mom from work. We met again that evening, and she took me to a dimly lit bar with interesting artwork on the walls and 80’s rock music playing. We found a couch in the corner, had a few beers, and talked about music. I generally like to find a secluded spot when on a date, so I can kiss the girl without people watching. After twenty minutes or so, I kissed her. She happily accepted, and we made out a little bit in the bar.

After a couple more beers, Maria said she needed to go home to do something for her mom. This was a logistical obstacle I had not anticipated. I had wanted to bring her to my hotel. We walked back to the hotel together, kissed, I tried unsuccessfully to convince her to stay a little while, and she left. Disappointed, I went to bed.

We met again in the afternoon the next day. Maria came to my hotel. I went outside, and told her to come up to my room. I gave her some lame excuse about showing her a new song I had recorded. She seemed reluctant, but agreed. We went to the hotel room, and sat together on the bed and I showed her the song on my laptop. Halfway through the song I started kissing her. I put the laptop aside and kept making out with her, and started to kiss her neck. She started to resist, saying something along the lines of “I thought you were just going to show me a song”. I tried pushing a bit, but it was clear she wasn’t biting. Thwarted again.

We went out around town again, which was even less exciting than the previous day. She had to leave again in the late afternoon for something, and that was the last I ever saw of her. I was supposed to see her again that night, but she made some excuse about having to work in another town the following morning and had to leave that night. She seemed a little disappointed, but not that much.

So I spent the rest of the night walking around alone, dejected, in a foreign city that I didn’t know nor particularly like and didn’t speak the language very well. I made a few halfhearted attempts as gaming girls walking around, but really wasn’t feeling it. Most of all I was ashamed of myself for having fucked up what should have been an easy lay.

Instagram Girl #2: A Much Better Showing

The next day I returned to Medellin, which was a relief, though I was still feeling a little down from my failure that weekend. Of course, I would ideally be able to maintain a solid positive frame regardless of external circumstances, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

Anyway, I now had another Instagram girl coming to see me. This girl lived in Venezuela and was taking a two-day bus ride (yes, really) to visit me in Medellin. She also had friends in the city who had agreed to let her stay with them, which was good because she probably wouldn’t have come that far if it meant she risked being totally alone if I happened to flake on her. I had talked to this girl–let’s call her Diana–on Instagram and WhatsApp, and she was clearly into me, though she was not as effusive as Maria.

I met Diana at the metro station nearest my Airbnb. She was a very pretty blonde girl with big tits and a very sexy accent. Definitely a step up from Maria. We hugged rather briefly and started walking to get something to eat. Diana spoke good English, which was a relief. However, she seemed rather agitated and cold. We talked, and she told me a little bit about the rapidly deteriorating situation in her country. Venezuela’s people were suffering shortages of food and basic necessities, and they were staging mass protests in the streets as a result. The socialist government was responding by beating down and murdering the protestors. Diana herself had been injured by the police.

After lunch, we walked back to the Airbnb, where I had to do some work. On the way back, I began holding her hand. She asked me, rather coldly, “are you going to hold my hand the whole way back?” I said no, and promptly dropped her hand. In retrospect, perhaps I should have said “yes” and continued to hold her hand. But of course I dodged the real pitfall, which was to answer self-consciously with something along the lines of “oh don’t you want to? I thought maybe you liked me”.

We arrived at the apartment, and I showed her the amazing view of the city through the window. She still seemed cold and agitated, but I went in for the kiss. She didn’t resist, though she did seem a little reluctant. She commented that I had soft hands, like a girl. I can’t remember how I responded exactly, but I knew better than to respond defensively to this kind of basic bitch shit test. But even though I didn’t show it, I was losing confidence.

I broke off and tried to work on my laptop a bit while she watched tv in the other room. My mind was racing. I felt like I was ruining yet another good opportunity. I was already beating myself up over it, since I was still in kind of a negative headspace because of what happened with Maria. Starting to believe that you’re not good with girls is absolute poison for your game. It is a very potent self-fulfilling prophecy.

After a few minutes I went to the other room, sat on the bed with her, and kissed Diana again. I was still in a kind of negative vibe. She pulled away and said “why are you kissing me? We’re just friends. Friends don’t kiss each other on the lips”. I passed off her objection with a nonchalant “because I thought you were cute”, or something along those lines, and went back to my work.

I couldn’t focus on my work. I finally stopped trying and told myself “This is ridiculous. You’re acting like a little bitch. Snap out of it!” Being honest with yourself sucks sometimes, but in the long run it’s far better than blaming circumstances instead of taking responsibility for your own outcomes. I thought of an NLP exercise I had learned a long time ago, and I gave it a try.

I closed my eyes and imagined an ideal version of myself. This is my mind’s view of a fictional character that looks like me but has unshakeable confidence and acts accordingly. Visualizing this ideal version of yourself is much easier than trying to convince yourself that you’re already unshakably confident, etc., because if you try to do the latter, some evil little part of your mind will come in and say “That’s not you. You’re lying.” and ruin the visualization. It’s easier if you imagine an ideal version of yourself in the third person, as a possibility rather than as a (falsifiable) reality.

Anyway, I spent a couple minutes watching super-me (who always seems to be wearing jeans and a black v-neck) strutting around space looking confident and powerful and flirting irresistibly with apparitions of pretty girls. After a couple minutes I opened my eyes, and I felt quite a lot better about myself. It’s a curious thing about the human mind, but it is in some ways incapable of separating reality from fantasy. This makes visualization exercises extremely powerful. I recommend doing them regularly.

At that point it finally dawned on me that I should go on the internet and look for some cool things to do around town. I found that there was a cool park, full of funny statues of fat people, within walking distance. I told Diana we were going to go there after I finished work.

We started walking through the city to the park. It was a 30 minute or so walk. We were walking past traffic, and Diana was irrationally nervous, especially whenever a motorcycle passed by. I made fun of her for being so nervous, and she told me that in Venezuela government cronies would drive by on motorcycles and shoot people on the side of the road. Good thing we weren’t in Venezuela! I told her there was nothing to worry about, took her hand, and led her to our destination.

It was at this point I could tell she was finally yielding to my frame and letting me take the lead. This is vital to seduction. You are the man. You need to take charge. And the woman needs to be willing to submit to you before she will let herself be seduced by you. Seduction occurs when the sexual polarity between a man and a woman are in their natural places.

From then on Diana changed dramatically from tough girl who got in fights with police into a sweet, submissive little kitten. We went around the park taking a bunch of couple-y photos together (at her insistence), then met up with her friends and went to a bar for a few drinks. After a while I dragged her away to a different bar, away from her friends, and we made out passionately.

I tried to get her to come home with me, but she insisted on going home with her friends since she had left all her stuff at their house. I went home alone, but I knew I was almost there. The next morning she sent me a message saying she wished she was sleeping with me. A few hours later she got her wish. And it was amazing.

After a couple days of fun with Diana, I had to return home, despite her begging me to stay longer. She still texts me constantly, and I will likely meet up with her soon, as I plan on traveling to South America again in the near future. This happy ending to a story with a rather rough beginning lifted my spirits enormously. I do love game.

Lessons Learned

You’ve probably deduced some of these yourself by now, but I want to go over some of the lessons I learned on this trip so that you can benefit from my experience.

1) Game in a Foreign Language is Hard

You are always in a better position if you are speaking a language you are fully comfortable with, even if the girl doesn’t speak it very well. It is your job as a man to project confidence, and that is difficult to do when you are struggling to communicate. It is also difficult to strategize your seduction while having to spend all your mental energy on speaking. It is not a problem if the girl is struggling to communicate. If anything, it elevates your relative status, since she is the one investing effort, and makes her more attracted to you.

Ideally you should target girls that speak your language, but if you want to game a girl who doesn’t speak your language, you need to try to keep your frame as solid as possible, and try to emphasize nonverbal over verbal communication. Another option, which I gleaned from Dorian Gray, is to use the Google Translator app, which quickly translates whole sentences. It used to be that those translators were only good for one word at a time, since they have a hard time with grammar, but I tested this one and the full sentence translations were surprisingly good.

2) Bad Game Can Ruin Even the Best Setup

Women continually test men and prod for signs of weakness. It is in their nature. She may have been daydreaming about you for a month, but if you seem weak and needy when you meet her, she will lose all attraction for you in a very short time. Guard your vibe carefully, and don’t get lazy.

3) Avoid Investing in Her More Than She Invests in You

I flew to a new country, then took a four hour bus ride to see Maria. She walked down the street to see me. Of course, I was going to Colombia regardless, and I had wanted to see more of Colombia than just Medellin, so it certainly wasn’t all for her. But it might have looked that way. Especially the bus ride part.

My having apparently invested more than her made me look lower value than her. Be cognizant of this. Always try to get the girl to invest in you when possible (note that unlike Maria, Diana traveled to see me). If you’re going to travel to see a girl, make up an excuse for why you were already going to be in the area anyway.

4) Learn to Control Your Mind

Inner game is massively important. Being unable to control your emotions is a womanly trait, and women find it repulsive in men. Ground yourself in a meaningful purpose and work towards something greater than your own gratification. This will keep you stable when circumstances don’t go your way. Learn to control yourself in the moment by doing regular meditation exercises. Do visualization exercises when you want to improve your mental state and/or performance in an upcoming challenge.

5) Don’t Give Up

Seduction is a minefield. There are a thousand little steps on the way to a successful seduction, and a misstep on any one of them could blow your chances. Accept that you will mess up, you will blow opportunities, and keep on going. Don’t be discouraged. Learn from your mistakes and push forward.

What to Do When a Girl Flakes on a Date

It’s a frustrating situation, but one that every guy who is experienced with women knows all too well. You’re happily slacking off at work, looking forward to the date you have planned with the hot babe you number closed a few days ago. Then you get the message: “hey I’m really sorry but I just remembered I have to have dinner with my aunt and uncle so I won’t be able to meet tonight.” FUCK! Now you’re going to spend the rest of the night sitting around doing nothing but being angry and depressed, and you have to figure out how to message this girl back and not look like you’re totally desperate or a pushover. Many guys are completely clueless when trying to figure out what to do when a girl flakes on a date.

Yes, this has happened to me many times. It sucks. And it will happen to you when you start getting a lot of girls’ numbers. But despair not! I’m here to talk you through it.

girl flakes on date

Why Hoes Flake

Before we get into what to do about flakes, it is helpful to get an understanding of why women flake. This will also help reduce the incidence of flakes in the future. There are four main reasons why girls flake on dates:

1) She just doesn’t feel like it.

Contrary to what a lot of guys assume, getting a phone number from a girl is not a particularly meaningful event. Just because a girl gave you her phone number (or Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.) does not mean she’s super attracted to you. She might have been on the fence about you. Or she might have given it to you just so you would go away. Put your ego in check for a moment and be honest with yourself when you get a new girl’s number. Was she giving you other signs that she was attracted? Not all number closes are created equal.

To make matters worse, even IF she was very attracted to you during the initial interaction, that is no guarantee that she still is several days later. Girls–especially young girls–have constant mood changes. The same girl might have been soaking her panties over you yesterday but be totally indifferent toward you today. She just might not feel like going on a date on a given night. Sucks, but it’s part of the game.

2) She’s really nervous.

This is something we as men tend not to understand very well, but women have to be much more cautious than we do, for obvious reasons. It is a frightening thing for a woman to meet a man she barely knows for a romantic rendezvous. She’s probably heard all sorts of horror stories about poor young girls getting raped/kidnapped/murdered by men who seemed nice and normal. Women’s TV propagates this fear constantly. Add this to a woman’s usual insecurities (yes, they get insecure too) about not being pretty enough or interesting enough, etc. to make her date like her, and it might be a very enticing option for the woman to just avoid the whole situation altogether by flaking on you.

3) She’s Testing You

If you’ve spent any time at all reading PUA literature, you probably are familiar with the concept of a shit test (or a frame test). A shit test is something a woman says or does to throw you off your game. Women do this to gauge your response. They want to see if you keep your calm, confident demeanor under stress, since this makes it harder for you to fake. One way a woman might shit test you is by flaking (or appearing to flake) on a date. She wants to see how you respond.

4) Something important actually came up, and she honestly can’t make it.

Most guys seem to assume either that girls flaking are either always telling the truth, or that they’re always lying. In reality, they do some of both. Some excuses really are legitimate. Sometimes you can tell whether an excuse is real or not, but I think it’s generally wiser to avoid assuming either way.

What to Do When a Girl Flakes on a Date

Got all that? Good. Now we’ll get into the juicy, delicious, medium-rare meat of the topic. So a broad flaked on you because she has to take Whiskers to the hospital. Or whatever excuse she gives you. Assuming you like this girl enough to put up with the flake and you don’t want to lose her, what do you do?

My favorite paradigm to consider this situation (as with many others) is to ask: how would a high value man that gets plenty of pussy handle the situation? Think about it, and do what he would do. First, we’ll use this thought experiment to determine the proper attitude to express.

Upon getting a flake, guys will generally react in one of three ways:

1) Feel sad, hurt, or afraid.

This is perfectly natural, and a lot of guys feel this way. Flakes often feel like rejection. You also may be afraid that you’re going to lose a girl that you really wanted. But would a high-value man with lots of sexual options react this way about a girl he barely knows? Highly unlikely. He knows he has plenty of other girls he could be seeing, so he isn’t going to take it too hard. This is the attitude you should display, even if it’s not what you really feel. Fake it till you make it. Do not show sadness, fear, or desperation in this situation. It’s not sexy.

2) Feel angry and/or self-righteous.

Also a perfectly natural reaction. You explicitly made plans with this ho, and she canceled on you. She disrespected you (maybe) and wasted your time. You’re right to feel angry. But what does the high value man do? Sure, he feels angry too. His time is valuable. And since he is a high-value man, he expresses his emotions freely. He lets the girl know he is angry.

But the art here is in determining the proper level of anger to demonstrate. Who is going to be more angry, the high value man who has plenty of other high value activities and other girls to fill the gap in his schedule, or the low value man who is going to be sitting around stewing all night because he has no other options? Which man is going to take the hit to his ego harder? Obviously the latter. So being angry is good, but you don’t want to be too angry. Treat the flake as an annoyance, not a huge insult. Of course, if the girl is a repeat offender, the appropriate level of anger will go up.

3) Act like you don’t care at all.

This is popular advice in the PUA community. The reasoning is that the high value man has so many other options that he doesn’t care at all if one girl flakes, and you want to emulate that. I don’t fully agree. The time of a high value man is valuable, and he doesn’t appreciate it being wasted, even if all he has to do is make a few calls to make other plans. A high value man is going to be somewhat annoyed. And since one mark of an alpha male to emote freely, he should express some annoyance.

So we’ve concluded that the best attitude to take is that of a guy who is a bit angry, but not super angry. What do you actually say? The answer to this will depend somewhat on the girl’s actual flake message.

Now we’re going to take some interest in the excuse itself to determine if she might be shit testing you and you might actually be able to make the date happen after all. Is the excuse something that would actually be a legitimate excuse if true? If she tells you she’s throwing up, or her best friend got in an accident and is in the hospital, or she got called into work: these would all be legitimate. Note that whether the excuse is true or not isn’t relevant here, because she’s not going to say “oh never mind, I’m not sick after all”. She won’t admit she was lying.

Sometimes the excuse is not really a good reason. “I’m tired”, “I don’t feel like it”, and “I need to stay home with my cats” all fall under this category. If this is the case, she might be shit testing you. This is actually good news, because it means the date might be salvageable. In this case, you should be a little bit persistent and try to convince her to come out on the date after all. In a self-amusing, non-needy way, of course.

I like to also assume the sale in this situation. The high value man, after all, knows that women really want to see him. If she says “I’m tired”, I’ll say something like “quit yer whining, drink some coffee, and come meet me at 8.” Then right afterward, in a separate message: “actually make that 8:15, I’m running a little late.” Or if she says “I don’t feel like it”, I’ll say “go try on some outfits, that’ll put you in the mood. I want you to look cute for me anyway.” Sometimes this will salvage the date. I don’t recommend trying more than 2 or 3 times though, since too much looks like you’re pleading.

What if her excuse is a legitimate reason then? You’re probably not going to be able to salvage the date. You are annoyed about this, and rightly so, because now you’re going to have to spend several minutes of your valuable time making new plans. Now here I think it is best to act as though you believe that her excuse is true. You’re a high value man, so naturally you don’t think a woman would flake on you unless there was a really good reason. Because of this you’ll want to show some understanding for her situation.

So the best response shows a mixture of annoyance and understanding. If she says she’s sick, I would respond with something like: “gay” (h/t to Heartiste), then in a separate message right afterward, “feel better, [insert cute nickname here]”. I like the two messages because it shows your initial annoyance (freely emoting is alpha), and then that you thought about it for a second and temper it with a more sensitive, understanding response (showing social calibration).

The last bit of the interaction is the reschedule. Sometimes she’ll offer a specific day/time to reschedule, sometimes she’ll offer to reschedule some other time (non-specific), and other times she won’t offer at all. In all three situations, you should remain noncommittal. She’s just inconvenienced you, after all, and you’re a high value man with lots of other options who haven’t just done something to annoy you.

If she offers a specific reschedule (i.e. “Can we meet Thursday instead?”), I’ll say “maybe. idk what i’ve got going on thursday”. If she offers a non-specific reschedule offer (“let’s meet some time later this week”), I’ll give basically the same answer. Such as: “idk maybe. the rest of the week is pretty busy for me”. If she doesn’t offer any reschedule, I won’t bring it up at all. In all three cases, she should be aware that her bad behavior puts her at risk of losing you. You are the prize, and she should feel lucky if you grant her the privilege of another date. And she’ll be less likely to flake next time.

**Side note: my lack of capitalization/punctuation in text messages is intentional. It communicates that I don’t spend extra time and effort on superfluous language norms that aren’t necessary for what I’m trying to communicate. This makes a much better impression on girls than trying to impress them with polished articulation and grammar.**

Final Steps

Once you’ve gotten that out of the way, you probably have a whole open night ahead of you. Unless you scheduled multiple dates on the same night, which is a great way to naturally avoid being needy about any one girl. But if you did lose all your plans for the night, you may be feeling sad, disappointed and desperate. Perfectly normal.

One bit of advice for what not to do: don’t go texting/calling all the other girls in your phone who are unlikely to meet on short notice and ask them to come meet you. I’ve made this mistake in the past. Girls can smell the desperation from a mile away. In fact, if you’re in a bad mood or feeling desperate, you probably shouldn’t text any girls at all. UNLESS they are girls that you know are already into you (i.e. you’re already sleeping with them on a regular basis) and you aren’t going to scare away. If you have girls like this, absolutely have one come over.

Otherwise, accept that the date is a loss and do something productive and/or enjoyable with the time. Maybe even go read some PUA literature on how to avoid getting flakes in the first place. Perhaps I will share my strategies on that topic in a subsequent post.

Instagram Live: PUA Tricks

I wrote recently about the new Instagram Stories feature. If you haven’t read that yet, you can do so here. In this article I describe the Instagram Live feature that is included under Instagram Stories, along with how best to use it.

As you may already know, a big part of Instagram Seduction is building yourself up as a sort of Instagram celebrity. To get to that point, of course, you need to build a number of followers. But equally important to that end is keeping your existing fangirls engaged and interested. Doing a live Instagram Story is a great way to do that.

Instagram Live is rather similar to Facebook Live, if you’ve ever used that. Basically you just live stream whatever you want to show your followers via your phone video camera. To do this, open Instagram, go to your Home screen, then touch the circle icon in the upper left that says “Your Story”. Then swipe right towards the bottom of the screen so that the button in the middle says “Start Live Video.” Push that button. After a few seconds, you will be streaming live.

When you are streaming live, your followers will see your live Instagram Stories icon as first in line at the top of their Instagram homepages. This is great because it basically gives you priority over all other content competing for their attention.

Now for the million dollar question: what on Earth am I supposed to do for my live video? I recommend just talking. If you’re doing something cool and have someone to hold the phone for you while you do it, that might work as well. But I like to use the Instagram live feature as sort of like an AMA (“ask me anything”) segment that celebrities do on Reddit. Give your fans a chance to interact with you and ask you the questions that they’re interested in.

I’ve done this several times, and my fangirls love it. I start out by just making some small talk and wait for some users to join the session. Talking to a phone without hearing anyone’s voice in return does feel a little weird, so you’re going to have to get used to that. I think it’s great practice for in-person pickup, in which it’s basically your job to do all the talking yourself for the first minute or two.

I like to go for a walk while I’m doing the live session. Walking is great, because it gets your mind moving and gives you bits of scenery to talk about and show your viewers as you’re walking by. If you can find a cool, interesting place to walk around, that’s perfect; but even a walk around your regular, boring neighborhood is better than sitting in your living room.

Viewers of your live session will be able to ask you questions or make comments that show up as text on the bottom of the screen. I like to use this as an opportunity to have a conversation with my followers. Answer the questions in the most colorful, engaging way possible (this is a big part of learning to communicate effectively with women), and ask them questions in return. Your fans will love it.

You will probably have moments where you run out of things to say. This is not the end of the world. You can walk in silence for a few seconds here and there. Don’t make it awkward and it won’t be awkward. If none of your followers fill the gaps with questions or comments, start talking about the scenery, or talk about something that interests you. The more personality you show, the better.

As a final note, keep in mind that a confident demeanor and masculine presence is important here. You’re showing yourself in real time, which is in some ways more difficult than posting carefully curated images and sending planned messages. But unlike cold approach pickup, your Instagram Live audience will be girls that are already interested in you and will try to help you succeed. Show them a strong, confident presence and an interesting, thoughtful personality and they will fall all the more in love with you.

Supercharge Your Instagram Game with Instagram Stories

Note: this post is meant to be an adjunct to the Instagram Seduction program, since Instagram stories are a new feature that did not exist when the program was created.

If you’ve used Snapchat before, you probably already understand the concept of Instagram stories. In fact, I’m 90% sure that Instagram blatantly stole the idea from Snapchat, as it works almost exactly the same way. Basically Instagram stories let you upload several photos and/or short videos in a series, which will play like a slideshow when one someone opens the story.

This is a pretty cool feature if you know how to use it well, and it can improve your womanizing potential on Instagram considerably. A couple days ago on a whim I posted a bad quality 15-second phone video of myself playing guitar and singing (admittedly not much of a “story”), and got direct messages with hearts and kissy faces from nine girls in response. Not a bad ROI.

Why Use Instagram Stories?

Stories have a couple of advantages over the normal photo/video posting that Instagram has always had. One advantage is that stories allow a sort of continuity (thus the name “stories”), that the typical single-post photo or video doesn’t. This is great for conveying your personality and showing off the sort of self-amused, ZFG alpha attitude that women go crazy for.

My first Instagram story consisted of a short video of me happily driving and singing a silly song, going to a store, and making a funny observation in the store. Nothing super exciting, but girls loved it, mostly for the fun, carefree attitude. I could only have conveyed a fraction of the value in that story had I been relegated to a single picture or video.

singing in the car instagram stories

OHHH OHHH LIVING ON A PRAYERRRRR

Another advantage of stories is that Instagram gives them preferential treatment over regular posts. Notice that the stories are at the top of the home page. Often they’re the first thing your followers will see. Also, since they require a bit more effort than a regular post, fewer people post stories. That means your story has much less other content to compete against than does a regular post.

And yet another benefit to stories is that they provide an excellent testing ground for new content when you want to gauge audience reception. Stories are both temporary and will only show to your followers. That means you have a lot more freedom to experiment, since the downside of trying content that turns out to be bad is limited. It will only be up for a little while, and it won’t ruin your chances with prospective new followers. Your existing followers already liked you enough to follow, so it probably won’t faze them very much.

Here’s a hypothetical scenario to illustrate. Say you love to hunt, but you aren’t sure if you want to share pictures of you hunting on Instagram. You hope that your audience will see you as a strong, self-reliant masculine man. But you’re also a little worried that they might see you as an evil monster for killing poor, innocent animals. Instead of doing a regular post, you could put it in a story. Perhaps a video of you and your friends laughing and having a good time in the truck on the way to the hunting ground, a picture of you dressed in camo holding a rifle, and then a picture of you grilling some fresh venison. Put it up as a story and gauge the response. If you get a decent number of views but almost no interaction (or even some negative interaction), that’s probably a good indication that your audience doesn’t like the subject matter. If, on the other hand, you get a bunch of positive engagement, that should tell you that your hunting prowess is a positive addition to your online archetype.

How to Use Instagram Stories for Gettin’ Bitches

To see the stories feature, go to your home screen on Instagram, and look at the series of circles with pictures in them across the top of the screen. The first one should say “Your Story”, and the rest (if any) are “stories” put up by people you follow. Watch a few of your friends’ stories if they have some to get an idea of how it works. Chances are most of them don’t use the feature very well, but it gives you a good idea of the basic functionality.

For your purposes, you are generally going to want to use stories to convey…a story. So think of something you’re going to do in the future that makes a mildly amusing or interesting story. And these need not actually be true stories. They just have to be entertaining and convey a bit of your personality. With a little bit of creativity, you can turn what is normally a very mundane activity into an amusing photo story.

Here’s an example. Say you’re about to go to the gym. You could just post a bunch of pictures of you pumping iron; that would show off your body but it wouldn’t really show any personality (and personality is far more compelling to women). A much better story would be to take a picture of you with a jug of protein or some workout supplement looking crazy and pumped up, like you’re ready to go to war. Take a second picture of you in the gym lifting weights. And then when you get home, take a funny picture of yourself (you might need some assistance) lying face down on a couch or bed with your mouth open, looking totally exhausted.

Put the three photos together into a story in chronological order. Another nice feature of stories that you might utilize is the ability to put text over top of the photos, effectively letting you caption them. In the above example, you could caption the first photo “Beast mode!!!!!!” and then the last photo you could caption “…sloth mode”. This example would be funny with or without the captions, but sometimes you need the captions to explain a bit of context.

I will certainly be experimenting with the Instagram stories feature some more, and I will be sure to share any good insights I get from it. Meanwhile, please feel free to share your own ideas in the comments.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of this article, which will focus on the new Live feature within the Instagram stories.

Beginner PUA Challenge – Overcoming Approach Anxiety

Understanding Approach Anxiety (AA)

The single most common question I’ve gotten over the years from guys just starting out in both day game and night game is “How do I get over approach anxiety?” Now I’ve written a lot about online game, and I’ve recommended in the past that guys choose one type of game and stick with it. But I want to make it clear that even if you’ve chosen to focus on the online realm, you will see vast improvements to your game if you learn to overcome your fears and approach women in real life. Approaching women in real life builds massive confidence, which shows through in how you conduct yourself in online game. And it prepares you to remain cool and collected when you meet a girl in person after talking online.

Before we get into the challenge itself, I want to go over a bit of why men tend to have approach anxiety in the first place. First, let me assure you that approach anxiety is totally normal, and most men experience it. For a lot of men, it feels totally debilitating. You are not alone, and you should not feel ashamed for having AA. It is a normal, natural, healthy part of your psyche that you should come to accept for what it is.

approach anxiety

Fear and anxiety are designed to keep us cautious and prevent us from putting ourselves into dangerous situations. We are afraid of heights, because we know a fall from a high place could mean death. We are afraid of tigers, because a tiger can rip us apart. But why on Earth would we be afraid of talking to women? At first glance, it makes no sense. Women are not threatening and pose no danger.

So where does the approach anxiety come from? The most common explanation I’ve heard is that AA is really a fear of rejection. I find this explanation rather unsatisfactory. Rejection by a woman is just not any real threat to our health or wellbeing. I’ve been rejected by thousands of women over the years, as have all experienced PUAs, and I’m still perfectly healthy. And besides, when I experience AA, it doesn’t FEEL like a fear of rejection. I’m usually not thinking or worrying about rejection. It feels like something deeper, something more visceral. It’s a feeling that I’m doing something dangerous and wrong.

Our psychology has been filtered through a process of natural selection for thousands of years. The psychological traits that we have today are those that were most beneficial for our ancestors’ survival. Which brings me to a much better explanation for approach anxiety: in the primitive setting for which our brains are mostly still wired, women were a resource that men fought over. In that setting, making a move on the wrong woman could have gotten you beaten up or killed by the man who owned her.

For a modern equivalent, think about it this way. You see a nice new BMW with an open convertible top parked by the side of the road. You think about hopping in the driver’s seat, looking around the car, caressing the steering wheel, etc. What are you feeling? Probably a lot of anxiety. You probably have that inner voice screaming at you “This is wrong! This is dangerous!” Your mind is probably concocting nightmare scenarios of some big bodybuilder dude coming back and bashing your head in for trying to steal his car. You’re not afraid of the car rejecting you; you’re afraid of getting beaten up or killed or put in jail for messing with someone else’s property.

In modern times, women aren’t “owned” by men in the same way they were in primitive times, but our reactions haven’t really registered this yet since natural selection works slowly over many generations. Talking to a woman by herself in a coffee shop is very unlikely to get us in any sort of real trouble. But our unconscious minds are still stuck in the primitive setting which screams “Danger!” The best way to overcome approach anxiety, then, is to give our subconscious minds reference experience that shows that approaching women does not result in any sort of physical harm. In other words, suck it up and do it. That said, if you have severe approach anxiety and have a hard time just approaching a woman to hit on her, I’ve come up with a program to ease yourself into it to build up to that point in a series of smaller steps.

The Challenge

Here’s what I want you to do. Set aside four consecutive days where you have at least half the day to dedicate to these exercises. Take a few vacation days from work if you have to, or wait for a long weekend. Then each day you’re going to go to a city that is at least one hour drive from where you live. The bigger the city, the better, usually. If you don’t have a car, take a bus or train. You can either find a hotel and stay for the full four days, or you can drive back and forth each day. Either way is fine. The idea is to get you psychologically invested in the outcome. You’ve spent time and money traveling another city, so you’re less likely to wimp out on the exercises.

Day 1:

  • Find a well-populated public area. Shopping malls, college campuses, beaches, and large department stores are all good options.
  • Walk around the place and ask 15 people for the time. They could be men or women, old or young. Doesn’t matter. Ask them what time it is, say thank you, and continue walking. Try to notice your feelings as you approach each stranger.
  • Once you’ve done this, give yourself a 20 minute break. Think about how your subconscious mind reacted to the exercise. Note the thoughts that came up, and note how your reaction changed from the beginning of the exercise to the end. Relax and congratulate yourself for having the discipline to complete the exercise.
  • Now go ask for the time from 15 attractive girls and make a note of your feelings as before. Don’t be super picky. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if she was naked in your bed, would you fuck her. If the answer is yes, then she is attractive enough for this exercise.
  • Once you’ve finished this, go buy yourself some sort of small reward. But only IF you’ve finished ALL of both exercises. Get something small that you enjoy and that you wouldn’t normally just buy anyway. For me, this would be something like an ice cream or a cinnamon roll. Enjoy it, and congratulate yourself. Tell yourself “This is what it feels like to be a real man who faces his fears and goes after what he desires. This is my new life. This is who I am now. I will never go back.”

If you have a hard time finding enough people to complete the exercises, go to multiple locations until you find enough people. If you only find 5 hot girls in the mall, go look for a grocery store or a department store, or wherever. Change venues as many times as you need to until you get all 15. Or stay in a venue and stand by the door waiting for them to come in. Or lower your standards a bit for which women to talk to. Just whatever you do, don’t skimp on the numbers.

Day 2:

  • Go to a public place as before. It can be the same place or a different place, either is fine.
  • Approach 10 hot girls (same criteria as before) and ask for recommendations for a good place of some variety in town (i.e. “Do you know where I could find a good Chinese restaurant around here?”). It could be anything: restaurant, hair salon, night club, or whatever. You could ask all 10 girls the same question or vary it up each time, either is fine. When she gives you a reply (an “I don’t know” is perfectly acceptable), thank her and continue.
  • Take a 20 minute break and reflect on the previous exercise, as with day 1.
  • Approach 10 hot girls, and ask for a recommendation, same as with the last exercise. Whatever she responds with, ask a follow up question that relates to her experience with the place. “Do you go there often?”, “What’s your favorite menu item?”, “Have you gotten good service there?” or something along those lines. Thank her and continue.
  • Take a 20 minute break and reflect.
  • Approach 10 hot girls pretending to know them. Go up to a girl saying something like “Hey Allison, how are you?” Chances are her name is not whatever name you guessed, so she will give you a weird look and tell you she’s the wrong person. Say something like “Oh sorry, I thought you were someone else”, and continue. If by chance her name is whatever you guessed, say where you know her from, like “Washington High School, right?” When she says no, politely excuse yourself as before. The purpose of this exercise is to put you in a slightly awkward interaction so that you can get used to awkwardness and realize that nothing bad comes of it. Note your feelings as you do this exercise, as with the previous exercises.
  • Reward yourself as you did the day before, you badass motherfucker.

Day 3:

  • Go to a public place, as before.
  • Approach 10 hot girls, tell them you find them attractive, and ask them for a date. Something like this: “Hi, this is a little random, but I noticed you and I think you look really cute. I’m in a bit of a hurry right now, but I’d love to take you out for a drink.” If she says yes, take her name and number, say goodbye, and continue. If she says no, just say “Ok, well nice to meet you” and continue. Note that this is NOT good game, and you probably shouldn’t expect much follow up success from any numbers that you get doing this (though it doesn’t hurt to try). This is just to get you comfortable with stating your intentions to women you find attractive.
  • Take a 20 minute break and definitely congratulate yourself, because this was the most difficult exercise so far. Take a note of your feelings and how your anxiety became less intense toward the end of the exercise.
  • Walk around and notice girls in your age demographic. They don’t have to be attractive, they just have to be around the age of girls you’re interested in. Come up with some light-hearted tease for each one. It could be about how she’s walking or what she’s wearing or what her hair looks like, or anything. Could be that her hair reminds you of a lion. Or she’s walking like she’s running away from the cops. Or her hat makes her look like a crazy hippie. Don’t approach any of these girls, just make up the tease in your head. Come up with at least one tease for 30 different girls.
  • Take a 20 minute break and just let your mind rest.
  • Approach 5 hot girls with both your statement of attraction and a tease tailored especially to her. For example, “Hey this is kind of random, but I wanted to say I think you’re really cute. I like your hat, it makes you look like a crazy hippie.” Pause for her to respond. Usually she’ll say “haha thank you”. Then continue, “Listen, I don’t really have time to talk, but I’d love take you out for a drink.” If she agrees, take her name and number. If not, politely excuse yourself. This is slightly better game than the previous example, but will probably still result in flimsy number closes (if any at all). The idea here is to ease you into longer interactions that are personalized to the individual girl.
  • Reward yourself. At this rate, you’ll soon be unstoppable.

Day 4:

  • Go to a public place.
  • Do exactly the last exercise from day 3 over again. Approach 5 girls with your statement of intent and a tease, then ask for a date. Note how it makes you feel.
  • Rest for 20 minutes.
  • Approach 10 girls with your statement of attraction and tease. But this time, don’t ask for the date right away. Keep talking. Keep going with teases and make up silly stories about her. Ask her questions about herself if you can’t think of anything else to say. If she asks you a question about yourself, that’s a good indication that she’s interested (this is called “hook point” in the PUA lingo). Continue the conversation a little bit after she asks you a question, then ask for the date as before. If she leaves and never asks you a question, that’s fine, it still counts.
  • That was pretty hard, wasn’t it? Go reward yourself. You did something very few men have the balls to do, and you should feel awesome. You’ve successfully conquered your approach anxiety.

If you finish all four days of these exercises, you will be dripping with confidence and should feel pretty damn good about yourself. Your game still might not be great, but you’ve managed to conquer the most difficult obstacle. Do at least a few approaches every week from now on (in your home town is fine), because your approach anxiety will come back somewhat if you don’t constantly desensitize yourself to it. You are a strong alpha male with balls of steel, you are entitled to beautiful women, and from now on you will go after them.

The Instagram Photo Map Is No More

In Instagram Seduction, I recommend using the Instagram Photo Map to determine where girls are located. Unfortunately, the powers that be at Instagram have decided to remove the Instagram Photo Map feature from the Instagram app. This is an unfortunate development for us Instagram pickup artists, because the Instagram Photo Map was a nice quick way to determine what city a girl lives in. In most cases, you could take a quick look at the map and could reasonably conclude that the girl lived in whatever city the bulk of the photos were tagged in, as in the below screenshot.

Instagram Photo Map Los Angeles California

Not to fear, however. You can still determine where most users live. Of course, a lot of girls say where they live in their profile descriptions. This makes your life easy. If not, you have to put in a bit more effort. Try looking through photos for a tagged location. If a location is tagged, it will show the location above the photo when you open it. If you can’t find a tagged location, the hashtags might give it away. #LosAngeles, #UCLA, #VeniceBeach, #818, etc. would all suggest that the photo was taken in Los Angeles. Look for city names, neighborhood names, college names, and area codes.

Also note that photos in which the location features prominently in the background (or foreground, for that matter) are most likely to have a location tag or hashtag. For example, a photo of a girl at the beach or in front of a historic building is more likely to have a location tag than is a bathroom selfie. Keep this in mind to maximize your efficiency.

As a final note, location information is still included in the Instagram API, which is the back end data that is open to developers to build apps around. This means that someone could fairly easily build an external app that does the same thing as the photo map. If one of you more technical readers would like to take on the project, that would be awesome. Otherwise I might just do it myself.