What to Do When a Girl Flakes on a Date

It’s a frustrating situation, but one that every guy who is experienced with women knows all too well. You’re happily slacking off at work, looking forward to the date you have planned with the hot babe you number closed a few days ago. Then you get the message: “hey I’m really sorry but I just remembered I have to have dinner with my aunt and uncle so I won’t be able to meet tonight.” FUCK! Now you’re going to spend the rest of the night sitting around doing nothing but being angry and depressed, and you have to figure out how to message this girl back and not look like you’re totally desperate or a pushover. Many guys are completely clueless when trying to figure out what to do when a girl flakes on a date.

Yes, this has happened to me many times. It sucks. And it will happen to you when you start getting a lot of girls’ numbers. But despair not! I’m here to talk you through it.

girl flakes on date

Why Hoes Flake

Before we get into what to do about flakes, it is helpful to get an understanding of why women flake. This will also help reduce the incidence of flakes in the future. There are four main reasons why girls flake on dates:

1) She just doesn’t feel like it.

Contrary to what a lot of guys assume, getting a phone number from a girl is not a particularly meaningful event. Just because a girl gave you her phone number (or Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.) does not mean she’s super attracted to you. She might have been on the fence about you. Or she might have given it to you just so you would go away. Put your ego in check for a moment and be honest with yourself when you get a new girl’s number. Was she giving you other signs that she was attracted? Not all number closes are created equal.

To make matters worse, even IF she was very attracted to you during the initial interaction, that is no guarantee that she still is several days later. Girls–especially young girls–have constant mood changes. The same girl might have been soaking her panties over you yesterday but be totally indifferent toward you today. She just might not feel like going on a date on a given night. Sucks, but it’s part of the game.

2) She’s really nervous.

This is something we as men tend not to understand very well, but women have to be much more cautious than we do, for obvious reasons. It is a frightening thing for a woman to meet a man she barely knows for a romantic rendezvous. She’s probably heard all sorts of horror stories about poor young girls getting raped/kidnapped/murdered by men who seemed nice and normal. Women’s TV propagates this fear constantly. Add this to a woman’s usual insecurities (yes, they get insecure too) about not being pretty enough or interesting enough, etc. to make her date like her, and it might be a very enticing option for the woman to just avoid the whole situation altogether by flaking on you.

3) She’s Testing You

If you’ve spent any time at all reading PUA literature, you probably are familiar with the concept of a shit test (or a frame test). A shit test is something a woman says or does to throw you off your game. Women do this to gauge your response. They want to see if you keep your calm, confident demeanor under stress, since this makes it harder for you to fake. One way a woman might shit test you is by flaking (or appearing to flake) on a date. She wants to see how you respond.

4) Something important actually came up, and she honestly can’t make it.

Most guys seem to assume either that girls flaking are either always telling the truth, or that they’re always lying. In reality, they do some of both. Some excuses really are legitimate. Sometimes you can tell whether an excuse is real or not, but I think it’s generally wiser to avoid assuming either way.

What to Do When a Girl Flakes on a Date

Got all that? Good. Now we’ll get into the juicy, delicious, medium-rare meat of the topic. So a broad flaked on you because she has to take Whiskers to the hospital. Or whatever excuse she gives you. Assuming you like this girl enough to put up with the flake and you don’t want to lose her, what do you do?

My favorite paradigm to consider this situation (as with many others) is to ask: how would a high value man that gets plenty of pussy handle the situation? Think about it, and do what he would do. First, we’ll use this thought experiment to determine the proper attitude to express.

Upon getting a flake, guys will generally react in one of three ways:

1) Feel sad, hurt, or afraid.

This is perfectly natural, and a lot of guys feel this way. Flakes often feel like rejection. You also may be afraid that you’re going to lose a girl that you really wanted. But would a high-value man with lots of sexual options react this way about a girl he barely knows? Highly unlikely. He knows he has plenty of other girls he could be seeing, so he isn’t going to take it too hard. This is the attitude you should display, even if it’s not what you really feel. Fake it till you make it. Do not show sadness, fear, or desperation in this situation. It’s not sexy.

2) Feel angry and/or self-righteous.

Also a perfectly natural reaction. You explicitly made plans with this ho, and she canceled on you. She disrespected you (maybe) and wasted your time. You’re right to feel angry. But what does the high value man do? Sure, he feels angry too. His time is valuable. And since he is a high-value man, he expresses his emotions freely. He lets the girl know he is angry.

But the art here is in determining the proper level of anger to demonstrate. Who is going to be more angry, the high value man who has plenty of other high value activities and other girls to fill the gap in his schedule, or the low value man who is going to be sitting around stewing all night because he has no other options? Which man is going to take the hit to his ego harder? Obviously the latter. So being angry is good, but you don’t want to be too angry. Treat the flake as an annoyance, not a huge insult. Of course, if the girl is a repeat offender, the appropriate level of anger will go up.

3) Act like you don’t care at all.

This is popular advice in the PUA community. The reasoning is that the high value man has so many other options that he doesn’t care at all if one girl flakes, and you want to emulate that. I don’t fully agree. The time of a high value man is valuable, and he doesn’t appreciate it being wasted, even if all he has to do is make a few calls to make other plans. A high value man is going to be somewhat annoyed. And since one mark of an alpha male to emote freely, he should express some annoyance.

So we’ve concluded that the best attitude to take is that of a guy who is a bit angry, but not super angry. What do you actually say? The answer to this will depend somewhat on the girl’s actual flake message.

Now we’re going to take some interest in the excuse itself to determine if she might be shit testing you and you might actually be able to make the date happen after all. Is the excuse something that would actually be a legitimate excuse if true? If she tells you she’s throwing up, or her best friend got in an accident and is in the hospital, or she got called into work: these would all be legitimate. Note that whether the excuse is true or not isn’t relevant here, because she’s not going to say “oh never mind, I’m not sick after all”. She won’t admit she was lying.

Sometimes the excuse is not really a good reason. “I’m tired”, “I don’t feel like it”, and “I need to stay home with my cats” all fall under this category. If this is the case, she might be shit testing you. This is actually good news, because it means the date might be salvageable. In this case, you should be a little bit persistent and try to convince her to come out on the date after all. In a self-amusing, non-needy way, of course.

I like to also assume the sale in this situation. The high value man, after all, knows that women really want to see him. If she says “I’m tired”, I’ll say something like “quit yer whining, drink some coffee, and come meet me at 8.” Then right afterward, in a separate message: “actually make that 8:15, I’m running a little late.” Or if she says “I don’t feel like it”, I’ll say “go try on some outfits, that’ll put you in the mood. I want you to look cute for me anyway.” Sometimes this will salvage the date. I don’t recommend trying more than 2 or 3 times though, since too much looks like you’re pleading.

What if her excuse is a legitimate reason then? You’re probably not going to be able to salvage the date. You are annoyed about this, and rightly so, because now you’re going to have to spend several minutes of your valuable time making new plans. Now here I think it is best to act as though you believe that her excuse is true. You’re a high value man, so naturally you don’t think a woman would flake on you unless there was a really good reason. Because of this you’ll want to show some understanding for her situation.

So the best response shows a mixture of annoyance and understanding. If she says she’s sick, I would respond with something like: “gay” (h/t to Heartiste), then in a separate message right afterward, “feel better, [insert cute nickname here]”. I like the two messages because it shows your initial annoyance (freely emoting is alpha), and then that you thought about it for a second and temper it with a more sensitive, understanding response (showing social calibration).

The last bit of the interaction is the reschedule. Sometimes she’ll offer a specific day/time to reschedule, sometimes she’ll offer to reschedule some other time (non-specific), and other times she won’t offer at all. In all three situations, you should remain noncommittal. She’s just inconvenienced you, after all, and you’re a high value man with lots of other options who haven’t just done something to annoy you.

If she offers a specific reschedule (i.e. “Can we meet Thursday instead?”), I’ll say “maybe. idk what i’ve got going on thursday”. If she offers a non-specific reschedule offer (“let’s meet some time later this week”), I’ll give basically the same answer. Such as: “idk maybe. the rest of the week is pretty busy for me”. If she doesn’t offer any reschedule, I won’t bring it up at all. In all three cases, she should be aware that her bad behavior puts her at risk of losing you. You are the prize, and she should feel lucky if you grant her the privilege of another date. And she’ll be less likely to flake next time.

**Side note: my lack of capitalization/punctuation in text messages is intentional. It communicates that I don’t spend extra time and effort on superfluous language norms that aren’t necessary for what I’m trying to communicate. This makes a much better impression on girls than trying to impress them with polished articulation and grammar.**

Final Steps

Once you’ve gotten that out of the way, you probably have a whole open night ahead of you. Unless you scheduled multiple dates on the same night, which is a great way to naturally avoid being needy about any one girl. But if you did lose all your plans for the night, you may be feeling sad, disappointed and desperate. Perfectly normal.

One bit of advice for what not to do: don’t go texting/calling all the other girls in your phone who are unlikely to meet on short notice and ask them to come meet you. I’ve made this mistake in the past. Girls can smell the desperation from a mile away. In fact, if you’re in a bad mood or feeling desperate, you probably shouldn’t text any girls at all. UNLESS they are girls that you know are already into you (i.e. you’re already sleeping with them on a regular basis) and you aren’t going to scare away. If you have girls like this, absolutely have one come over.

Otherwise, accept that the date is a loss and do something productive and/or enjoyable with the time. Maybe even go read some PUA literature on how to avoid getting flakes in the first place. Perhaps I will share my strategies on that topic in a subsequent post.

Instagram Live: PUA Tricks

I wrote recently about the new Instagram Stories feature. If you haven’t read that yet, you can do so here. In this article I describe the Instagram Live feature that is included under Instagram Stories, along with how best to use it.

As you may already know, a big part of Instagram Seduction is building yourself up as a sort of Instagram celebrity. To get to that point, of course, you need to build a number of followers. But equally important to that end is keeping your existing fangirls engaged and interested. Doing a live Instagram Story is a great way to do that.

Instagram Live is rather similar to Facebook Live, if you’ve ever used that. Basically you just live stream whatever you want to show your followers via your phone video camera. To do this, open Instagram, go to your Home screen, then touch the circle icon in the upper left that says “Your Story”. Then swipe right towards the bottom of the screen so that the button in the middle says “Start Live Video.” Push that button. After a few seconds, you will be streaming live.

When you are streaming live, your followers will see your live Instagram Stories icon as first in line at the top of their Instagram homepages. This is great because it basically gives you priority over all other content competing for their attention.

Now for the million dollar question: what on Earth am I supposed to do for my live video? I recommend just talking. If you’re doing something cool and have someone to hold the phone for you while you do it, that might work as well. But I like to use the Instagram live feature as sort of like an AMA (“ask me anything”) segment that celebrities do on Reddit. Give your fans a chance to interact with you and ask you the questions that they’re interested in.

I’ve done this several times, and my fangirls love it. I start out by just making some small talk and wait for some users to join the session. Talking to a phone without hearing anyone’s voice in return does feel a little weird, so you’re going to have to get used to that. I think it’s great practice for in-person pickup, in which it’s basically your job to do all the talking yourself for the first minute or two.

I like to go for a walk while I’m doing the live session. Walking is great, because it gets your mind moving and gives you bits of scenery to talk about and show your viewers as you’re walking by. If you can find a cool, interesting place to walk around, that’s perfect; but even a walk around your regular, boring neighborhood is better than sitting in your living room.

Viewers of your live session will be able to ask you questions or make comments that show up as text on the bottom of the screen. I like to use this as an opportunity to have a conversation with my followers. Answer the questions in the most colorful, engaging way possible (this is a big part of learning to communicate effectively with women), and ask them questions in return. Your fans will love it.

You will probably have moments where you run out of things to say. This is not the end of the world. You can walk in silence for a few seconds here and there. Don’t make it awkward and it won’t be awkward. If none of your followers fill the gaps with questions or comments, start talking about the scenery, or talk about something that interests you. The more personality you show, the better.

As a final note, keep in mind that a confident demeanor and masculine presence is important here. You’re showing yourself in real time, which is in some ways more difficult than posting carefully curated images and sending planned messages. But unlike cold approach pickup, your Instagram Live audience will be girls that are already interested in you and will try to help you succeed. Show them a strong, confident presence and an interesting, thoughtful personality and they will fall all the more in love with you.

Supercharge Your Instagram Game with Instagram Stories

Note: this post is meant to be an adjunct to the Instagram Seduction program, since Instagram stories are a new feature that did not exist when the program was created.

If you’ve used Snapchat before, you probably already understand the concept of Instagram stories. In fact, I’m 90% sure that Instagram blatantly stole the idea from Snapchat, as it works almost exactly the same way. Basically Instagram stories let you upload several photos and/or short videos in a series, which will play like a slideshow when one someone opens the story.

This is a pretty cool feature if you know how to use it well, and it can improve your womanizing potential on Instagram considerably. A couple days ago on a whim I posted a bad quality 15-second phone video of myself playing guitar and singing (admittedly not much of a “story”), and got direct messages with hearts and kissy faces from nine girls in response. Not a bad ROI.

Why Use Instagram Stories?

Stories have a couple of advantages over the normal photo/video posting that Instagram has always had. One advantage is that stories allow a sort of continuity (thus the name “stories”), that the typical single-post photo or video doesn’t. This is great for conveying your personality and showing off the sort of self-amused, ZFG alpha attitude that women go crazy for.

My first Instagram story consisted of a short video of me happily driving and singing a silly song, going to a store, and making a funny observation in the store. Nothing super exciting, but girls loved it, mostly for the fun, carefree attitude. I could only have conveyed a fraction of the value in that story had I been relegated to a single picture or video.

singing in the car instagram stories

OHHH OHHH LIVING ON A PRAYERRRRR

Another advantage of stories is that Instagram gives them preferential treatment over regular posts. Notice that the stories are at the top of the home page. Often they’re the first thing your followers will see. Also, since they require a bit more effort than a regular post, fewer people post stories. That means your story has much less other content to compete against than does a regular post.

And yet another benefit to stories is that they provide an excellent testing ground for new content when you want to gauge audience reception. Stories are both temporary and will only show to your followers. That means you have a lot more freedom to experiment, since the downside of trying content that turns out to be bad is limited. It will only be up for a little while, and it won’t ruin your chances with prospective new followers. Your existing followers already liked you enough to follow, so it probably won’t faze them very much.

Here’s a hypothetical scenario to illustrate. Say you love to hunt, but you aren’t sure if you want to share pictures of you hunting on Instagram. You hope that your audience will see you as a strong, self-reliant masculine man. But you’re also a little worried that they might see you as an evil monster for killing poor, innocent animals. Instead of doing a regular post, you could put it in a story. Perhaps a video of you and your friends laughing and having a good time in the truck on the way to the hunting ground, a picture of you dressed in camo holding a rifle, and then a picture of you grilling some fresh venison. Put it up as a story and gauge the response. If you get a decent number of views but almost no interaction (or even some negative interaction), that’s probably a good indication that your audience doesn’t like the subject matter. If, on the other hand, you get a bunch of positive engagement, that should tell you that your hunting prowess is a positive addition to your online archetype.

How to Use Instagram Stories for Gettin’ Bitches

To see the stories feature, go to your home screen on Instagram, and look at the series of circles with pictures in them across the top of the screen. The first one should say “Your Story”, and the rest (if any) are “stories” put up by people you follow. Watch a few of your friends’ stories if they have some to get an idea of how it works. Chances are most of them don’t use the feature very well, but it gives you a good idea of the basic functionality.

For your purposes, you are generally going to want to use stories to convey…a story. So think of something you’re going to do in the future that makes a mildly amusing or interesting story. And these need not actually be true stories. They just have to be entertaining and convey a bit of your personality. With a little bit of creativity, you can turn what is normally a very mundane activity into an amusing photo story.

Here’s an example. Say you’re about to go to the gym. You could just post a bunch of pictures of you pumping iron; that would show off your body but it wouldn’t really show any personality (and personality is far more compelling to women). A much better story would be to take a picture of you with a jug of protein or some workout supplement looking crazy and pumped up, like you’re ready to go to war. Take a second picture of you in the gym lifting weights. And then when you get home, take a funny picture of yourself (you might need some assistance) lying face down on a couch or bed with your mouth open, looking totally exhausted.

Put the three photos together into a story in chronological order. Another nice feature of stories that you might utilize is the ability to put text over top of the photos, effectively letting you caption them. In the above example, you could caption the first photo “Beast mode!!!!!!” and then the last photo you could caption “…sloth mode”. This example would be funny with or without the captions, but sometimes you need the captions to explain a bit of context.

I will certainly be experimenting with the Instagram stories feature some more, and I will be sure to share any good insights I get from it. Meanwhile, please feel free to share your own ideas in the comments.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of this article, which will focus on the new Live feature within the Instagram stories.

Beginner PUA Challenge – Overcoming Approach Anxiety

Understanding Approach Anxiety (AA)

The single most common question I’ve gotten over the years from guys just starting out in both day game and night game is “How do I get over approach anxiety?” Now I’ve written a lot about online game, and I’ve recommended in the past that guys choose one type of game and stick with it. But I want to make it clear that even if you’ve chosen to focus on the online realm, you will see vast improvements to your game if you learn to overcome your fears and approach women in real life. Approaching women in real life builds massive confidence, which shows through in how you conduct yourself in online game. And it prepares you to remain cool and collected when you meet a girl in person after talking online.

Before we get into the challenge itself, I want to go over a bit of why men tend to have approach anxiety in the first place. First, let me assure you that approach anxiety is totally normal, and most men experience it. For a lot of men, it feels totally debilitating. You are not alone, and you should not feel ashamed for having AA. It is a normal, natural, healthy part of your psyche that you should come to accept for what it is.

approach anxiety

Fear and anxiety are designed to keep us cautious and prevent us from putting ourselves into dangerous situations. We are afraid of heights, because we know a fall from a high place could mean death. We are afraid of tigers, because a tiger can rip us apart. But why on Earth would we be afraid of talking to women? At first glance, it makes no sense. Women are not threatening and pose no danger.

So where does the approach anxiety come from? The most common explanation I’ve heard is that AA is really a fear of rejection. I find this explanation rather unsatisfactory. Rejection by a woman is just not any real threat to our health or wellbeing. I’ve been rejected by thousands of women over the years, as have all experienced PUAs, and I’m still perfectly healthy. And besides, when I experience AA, it doesn’t FEEL like a fear of rejection. I’m usually not thinking or worrying about rejection. It feels like something deeper, something more visceral. It’s a feeling that I’m doing something dangerous and wrong.

Our psychology has been filtered through a process of natural selection for thousands of years. The psychological traits that we have today are those that were most beneficial for our ancestors’ survival. Which brings me to a much better explanation for approach anxiety: in the primitive setting for which our brains are mostly still wired, women were a resource that men fought over. In that setting, making a move on the wrong woman could have gotten you beaten up or killed by the man who owned her.

For a modern equivalent, think about it this way. You see a nice new BMW with an open convertible top parked by the side of the road. You think about hopping in the driver’s seat, looking around the car, caressing the steering wheel, etc. What are you feeling? Probably a lot of anxiety. You probably have that inner voice screaming at you “This is wrong! This is dangerous!” Your mind is probably concocting nightmare scenarios of some big bodybuilder dude coming back and bashing your head in for trying to steal his car. You’re not afraid of the car rejecting you; you’re afraid of getting beaten up or killed or put in jail for messing with someone else’s property.

In modern times, women aren’t “owned” by men in the same way they were in primitive times, but our reactions haven’t really registered this yet since natural selection works slowly over many generations. Talking to a woman by herself in a coffee shop is very unlikely to get us in any sort of real trouble. But our unconscious minds are still stuck in the primitive setting which screams “Danger!” The best way to overcome approach anxiety, then, is to give our subconscious minds reference experience that shows that approaching women does not result in any sort of physical harm. In other words, suck it up and do it. That said, if you have severe approach anxiety and have a hard time just approaching a woman to hit on her, I’ve come up with a program to ease yourself into it to build up to that point in a series of smaller steps.

The Challenge

Here’s what I want you to do. Set aside four consecutive days where you have at least half the day to dedicate to these exercises. Take a few vacation days from work if you have to, or wait for a long weekend. Then each day you’re going to go to a city that is at least one hour drive from where you live. The bigger the city, the better, usually. If you don’t have a car, take a bus or train. You can either find a hotel and stay for the full four days, or you can drive back and forth each day. Either way is fine. The idea is to get you psychologically invested in the outcome. You’ve spent time and money traveling another city, so you’re less likely to wimp out on the exercises.

Day 1:

  • Find a well-populated public area. Shopping malls, college campuses, beaches, and large department stores are all good options.
  • Walk around the place and ask 15 people for the time. They could be men or women, old or young. Doesn’t matter. Ask them what time it is, say thank you, and continue walking. Try to notice your feelings as you approach each stranger.
  • Once you’ve done this, give yourself a 20 minute break. Think about how your subconscious mind reacted to the exercise. Note the thoughts that came up, and note how your reaction changed from the beginning of the exercise to the end. Relax and congratulate yourself for having the discipline to complete the exercise.
  • Now go ask for the time from 15 attractive girls and make a note of your feelings as before. Don’t be super picky. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if she was naked in your bed, would you fuck her. If the answer is yes, then she is attractive enough for this exercise.
  • Once you’ve finished this, go buy yourself some sort of small reward. But only IF you’ve finished ALL of both exercises. Get something small that you enjoy and that you wouldn’t normally just buy anyway. For me, this would be something like an ice cream or a cinnamon roll. Enjoy it, and congratulate yourself. Tell yourself “This is what it feels like to be a real man who faces his fears and goes after what he desires. This is my new life. This is who I am now. I will never go back.”

If you have a hard time finding enough people to complete the exercises, go to multiple locations until you find enough people. If you only find 5 hot girls in the mall, go look for a grocery store or a department store, or wherever. Change venues as many times as you need to until you get all 15. Or stay in a venue and stand by the door waiting for them to come in. Or lower your standards a bit for which women to talk to. Just whatever you do, don’t skimp on the numbers.

Day 2:

  • Go to a public place as before. It can be the same place or a different place, either is fine.
  • Approach 10 hot girls (same criteria as before) and ask for recommendations for a good place of some variety in town (i.e. “Do you know where I could find a good Chinese restaurant around here?”). It could be anything: restaurant, hair salon, night club, or whatever. You could ask all 10 girls the same question or vary it up each time, either is fine. When she gives you a reply (an “I don’t know” is perfectly acceptable), thank her and continue.
  • Take a 20 minute break and reflect on the previous exercise, as with day 1.
  • Approach 10 hot girls, and ask for a recommendation, same as with the last exercise. Whatever she responds with, ask a follow up question that relates to her experience with the place. “Do you go there often?”, “What’s your favorite menu item?”, “Have you gotten good service there?” or something along those lines. Thank her and continue.
  • Take a 20 minute break and reflect.
  • Approach 10 hot girls pretending to know them. Go up to a girl saying something like “Hey Allison, how are you?” Chances are her name is not whatever name you guessed, so she will give you a weird look and tell you she’s the wrong person. Say something like “Oh sorry, I thought you were someone else”, and continue. If by chance her name is whatever you guessed, say where you know her from, like “Washington High School, right?” When she says no, politely excuse yourself as before. The purpose of this exercise is to put you in a slightly awkward interaction so that you can get used to awkwardness and realize that nothing bad comes of it. Note your feelings as you do this exercise, as with the previous exercises.
  • Reward yourself as you did the day before, you badass motherfucker.

Day 3:

  • Go to a public place, as before.
  • Approach 10 hot girls, tell them you find them attractive, and ask them for a date. Something like this: “Hi, this is a little random, but I noticed you and I think you look really cute. I’m in a bit of a hurry right now, but I’d love to take you out for a drink.” If she says yes, take her name and number, say goodbye, and continue. If she says no, just say “Ok, well nice to meet you” and continue. Note that this is NOT good game, and you probably shouldn’t expect much follow up success from any numbers that you get doing this (though it doesn’t hurt to try). This is just to get you comfortable with stating your intentions to women you find attractive.
  • Take a 20 minute break and definitely congratulate yourself, because this was the most difficult exercise so far. Take a note of your feelings and how your anxiety became less intense toward the end of the exercise.
  • Walk around and notice girls in your age demographic. They don’t have to be attractive, they just have to be around the age of girls you’re interested in. Come up with some light-hearted tease for each one. It could be about how she’s walking or what she’s wearing or what her hair looks like, or anything. Could be that her hair reminds you of a lion. Or she’s walking like she’s running away from the cops. Or her hat makes her look like a crazy hippie. Don’t approach any of these girls, just make up the tease in your head. Come up with at least one tease for 30 different girls.
  • Take a 20 minute break and just let your mind rest.
  • Approach 5 hot girls with both your statement of attraction and a tease tailored especially to her. For example, “Hey this is kind of random, but I wanted to say I think you’re really cute. I like your hat, it makes you look like a crazy hippie.” Pause for her to respond. Usually she’ll say “haha thank you”. Then continue, “Listen, I don’t really have time to talk, but I’d love take you out for a drink.” If she agrees, take her name and number. If not, politely excuse yourself. This is slightly better game than the previous example, but will probably still result in flimsy number closes (if any at all). The idea here is to ease you into longer interactions that are personalized to the individual girl.
  • Reward yourself. At this rate, you’ll soon be unstoppable.

Day 4:

  • Go to a public place.
  • Do exactly the last exercise from day 3 over again. Approach 5 girls with your statement of intent and a tease, then ask for a date. Note how it makes you feel.
  • Rest for 20 minutes.
  • Approach 10 girls with your statement of attraction and tease. But this time, don’t ask for the date right away. Keep talking. Keep going with teases and make up silly stories about her. Ask her questions about herself if you can’t think of anything else to say. If she asks you a question about yourself, that’s a good indication that she’s interested (this is called “hook point” in the PUA lingo). Continue the conversation a little bit after she asks you a question, then ask for the date as before. If she leaves and never asks you a question, that’s fine, it still counts.
  • That was pretty hard, wasn’t it? Go reward yourself. You did something very few men have the balls to do, and you should feel awesome. You’ve successfully conquered your approach anxiety.

If you finish all four days of these exercises, you will be dripping with confidence and should feel pretty damn good about yourself. Your game still might not be great, but you’ve managed to conquer the most difficult obstacle. Do at least a few approaches every week from now on (in your home town is fine), because your approach anxiety will come back somewhat if you don’t constantly desensitize yourself to it. You are a strong alpha male with balls of steel, you are entitled to beautiful women, and from now on you will go after them.

The Instagram Photo Map Is No More

In Instagram Seduction, I recommend using the Instagram Photo Map to determine where girls are located. Unfortunately, the powers that be at Instagram have decided to remove the Instagram Photo Map feature from the Instagram app. This is an unfortunate development for us Instagram pickup artists, because the Instagram Photo Map was a nice quick way to determine what city a girl lives in. In most cases, you could take a quick look at the map and could reasonably conclude that the girl lived in whatever city the bulk of the photos were tagged in, as in the below screenshot.

Instagram Photo Map Los Angeles California

Not to fear, however. You can still determine where most users live. Of course, a lot of girls say where they live in their profile descriptions. This makes your life easy. If not, you have to put in a bit more effort. Try looking through photos for a tagged location. If a location is tagged, it will show the location above the photo when you open it. If you can’t find a tagged location, the hashtags might give it away. #LosAngeles, #UCLA, #VeniceBeach, #818, etc. would all suggest that the photo was taken in Los Angeles. Look for city names, neighborhood names, college names, and area codes.

Also note that photos in which the location features prominently in the background (or foreground, for that matter) are most likely to have a location tag or hashtag. For example, a photo of a girl at the beach or in front of a historic building is more likely to have a location tag than is a bathroom selfie. Keep this in mind to maximize your efficiency.

As a final note, location information is still included in the Instagram API, which is the back end data that is open to developers to build apps around. This means that someone could fairly easily build an external app that does the same thing as the photo map. If one of you more technical readers would like to take on the project, that would be awesome. Otherwise I might just do it myself.

The Interaction Between Social Status and Game

Reader Daniel poses a question about my Instagram Seduction program that I found very interesting because it brings up a complex issue: what is the relationship between social status and success with women?

Will your product also help me on my social status? Or is it only geared on getting girls?

The TL;DR answer is that getting girls and having high social status are so closely interlinked that they can’t really be treated separately. In other words, raising your social status will increase your success with women, and picking up high value women will raise your social status.

To illustrate this, consider a thought experiment. Say we have three average guys. Let’s call them Larry, Moe, and Curly. The three of them are good friends. They play video games and drink beer and watch football together every weekend. None of them are particularly rich, good looking, have impressive jobs, or are very good with the ladies. In the pickup lingo, they are AFCs (average frustrated chumps). However one of the three, let’s say Moe, is a little more interesting, charismatic, and outgoing than his two friends. Maybe he has an interesting hobby that the other two don’t. And he tends to be the de facto leader of the group when they are together. We would probably conclude that Moe has the highest social status of the group.

Now imagine Larry, Moe, and Curly are all out at the bar shooting pool on a Friday night. All three of them are too nervous or too disillusioned to go approach any girls, so they keep to themselves. Then a moderately attractive girl wearing an Ohio State t-shirt comes up and asks the guys to take a picture of her. All three guys are big Ohio State fans, so they start talking about football with her. One of the guys ends up getting the girl’s number. Which guy was it?

You probably guessed Moe. Because Moe has the highest social status. Higher social status generally means more success with with women.

Now consider another situation. Let’s say Moe never managed to make it work with the girl from the bar, because the close was weak and she never returned his texts. Curly, however, has managed to get himself a pretty hot girlfriend. Maybe he just got really really lucky, or maybe he built up a high value Instagram presence and got the attention of a hometown hottie. Either way, next time the group goes to the bar, Moe and Larry are single while Curly has a hot girl on his arm along with the smile and confident swagger that goes with it. Which of the guys has the highest social status now?

Probably Curly. Hot girls confer high social status to the men who obtain them. It’s a virtuous cycle. Raise your social status and you’ll get hotter girls, which in turn will raise your social status even more, which will get you more/hotter girls. And the cycle continues. OR start getting hot girls, then your social status will increase, then you will get more hot girls, etc.

The same is true in reverse. Low social status is a swamp that’s difficult to get out of. If you can’t get girls, your social status will be low. And if your social status is low, you’ll have a hard time getting girls.

The real power of game is in essentially fabricating high social status in order to get out of the swamp. This is true in any environment: night, day, or online. I found Instagram to be the ideal platform for this, because Instagram allows you to present an idealized image of yourself without the baggage (i.e. “if you’re on internet dating, you must be a loser that can’t meet girls in real life”) that necessarily comes with regular online dating. With Instagram, you can show everything cool and exciting about yourself (even stretch the truth, if you so choose) through your profile without ever mentioning that you actually spend most of your existence sitting at a desk or at home playing Xbox. You can also build massive social proof without much effort, if you know how to go about it.

My Instagram Seduction method, then, represents the Curly strategy as opposed to the Moe strategy. That said, I HIGHLY recommend working on both sides at once: work on getting girls and also work on all the other facets of building social status at the same time. So choose a particular method of applying game (such as the Instagram method) and also build your social circle, get a cool hobby, get a better paying job, get in shape, etc.  at the same time as you’re working on your game. If you’re stuck in the swamp, this will be difficult and require considerable effort at first, so take advantage of every shortcut you can. Once you start gaining some momentum your social status and your success with girls will multiply with minimal effort.

Dating Multiple Girls: How to Woman-Proof your Phone (for Android)

In a previous post, I described how I go about keeping multiple girls in my rotation at the same time. Best practice in my experience is that if you are dating multiple girls, you don’t rub their faces in it. Women tend to be nosy, and they will go through your private information if you don’t keep it hidden.

I had a situation recently in which this almost lost me one of my best girls. I had another girl message me asking if I could come over during the weekend (which, ironically, was just an ex-coworker who wanted me to teach her some work stuff. Totally non-sexual.) Anyway, I keep my phone locked, but it shows notifications on the lock screen, and the girl I had over decided to look at my phone, read the message, and then left without saying a word. Eventually I got her to talk, she told me what happened, and we lived happily ever after.

But the incident certainly taught me a lesson about protecting the content of my messages. In this article, I’m going to show you how to protect your messages on an Android phone (I don’t have an iPhone, so you Mac people will just have to figure it out for yourselves).

The first thing you need to do, if you haven’t already, is password protect your phone. Whether you use a PIN or a pattern or something fancy like fingerprint identification doesn’t really matter. As long as you’re just trying to keep out a few girls and not Chinese hackers you should be fine with any of the above. To password protect your phone, swipe down from the top of the screen, and push the little gear icon at the top to open the settings menu.

find Android settings menu for dating multiple girls

Android settings menu

Then select a screen lock from the “Screen lock type” option. Once you’ve done that, you’ll want to manually set notifications on the lock screen. This will prevent your messages from being readable to nosy girls looking at your phone. Choose the “Notifications on lock screen” option.

Find security settings on Android smartphone for dating multiple girls

Android security settings

From here you’ll get to choose which notifications you want to show up on your lock screen. By default, all apps are set to ON. If you want to be really safe, you can just turn them all off. But what I prefer is just to turn off the ones that are potentially incriminating.

Manually set lock screen notificaions for apps on an Android smartphone for dating multiple girls

Android lock screen notifications

I recommend you go through the whole list so you don’t miss any. I had quite a few: calls, texts, facebook messenger, WhatsApp, Instagram (because of the DMs), and a few others.

All done? Good. Now go password lock your computer.

How to Date Multiple Girls

As I’ve written before, the new reality of the sexual market in Western (anti-) civilization is that the top few alpha males get the lion’s share of hot pussy all to themselves. For those of you who are recovering betas, the idea of dating multiple women at the same time probably feels weird, unnatural, or even sleazy to you. That said, you likely have a primordial drive to do it anyway. You dirty dog, you. I’m going to tell you how to go about doing it in a way that makes both you and your lucky harem of hotties (mostly) happy at the same time.

The first thing to realize is that women intuitively know the deal. Women in general have a far better base level understanding of the dating market than us men. But women are also extremely talented in the art of self-delusion. The fact is that if you are a high value alpha male who hasn’t made any exclusive commitment, women expect that you probably have multiple sources of poontang.

This leads us to rule number one of dating multiple women: Don’t ever initiate “the talk” about the relationship status. This should go without saying, but a lot of guys feel guilty and fuck this up. As long as you haven’t made any commitment to be exclusive with a particular girl, you’re in the clear. It is the man’s job to push for sex and the woman’s job to push for exclusivity. If you’re fucking her, then you’ve already done your job.

If a girl is sleeping with you but has not asked you for a relationship, it is because she is worried about putting herself in a difficult situation. Women intuitively know that men have higher standards for whom we’re willing to have a relationship with than whom we’re willing to fuck. If a woman you’re fucking asks you for a relationship, and you say no, that’s a massive blow to her ego. Women hate rejection just as much as we do, and being rejected by a man to whom she has already given her most precious gift is particularly painful. On top of that, if you do say no to her, she will feel obligated to stop having sex with you in order to salvage some of her dignity. If she’s enjoying the sex (and the companionship), she will not want to do this. Initiating “the talk” is not something women take lightly.

So your main goal is to keep your women from initiating the talk as long as possible. The second rule, then, is: Don’t make it obvious that you’re dating multiple women. Even though women intuitively realize that you are probably dating other women, they can ignore this if they are not reminded of it. So obviously you don’t want to talk about the other women in front of one of your women. If she hears it, she’ll feel compelled to confront it. Otherwise she may be satisfied to ignore it. It also means you need to keep your privacy. Password protect your computer and your phone. If you’re on Tinder or another dating app, turn off notifications. Tinder notifications make a distinctive sound that many women will recognize immediately. If you have women texting or calling you, make sure they don’t come up on your caller ID as “Jenny Tinder”. If you have girls messaging you on Whatsapp or Facebook Messenger, make sure that the content of the messages you receive is not visible from the front screen of your locked phone.  Failure to do this almost lost me a girl a few days ago (which was what prompted this article). Accept the fact that women will snoop on your phone if you let them.

Now that you’re mercifully giving your girls the option of ignoring your womanizing, the next rule is: Give her the boyfriend experience. The more satisfied a girl is with her undefined relationship with you, the less likely she is going to be to initiate the talk. Women want to feel loved, cared for, protected, and special. You should oblige her as best you can. Don’t just fuck her and leave every time you see her. Take her on dates, romantic walks, dinners, let her sleep over, buy her a (small) present for Christmas and Valentines Day, etc. Don’t be a suck up (of the “happy wife, happy life” variety), but do be thoughtful and be a gentleman. The more she enjoys the relationship, the greater the disincentive for her to risk ruining it by demanding exclusivity. If you don’t mind being a little manipulative, also mention occasionally that you love how she is non-needy and has her own life.

Now, as I mentioned before, you’re never going to be able to stave off “the talk” forever, no matter how well you play it (my record is one year). Women will always want a relationship and eventually they will work up the courage to ask for it. While this is to be avoided as much as possible, it does not mean all is lost. The best way to deal with this is to have an excuse ready beforehand why you can’t reasonably be expected to be exclusive with her. This should be something that is either her fault or just the fault of circumstances. If she lives far away, that’s an easy excuse. If she works a lot and you can only see her once a week, that’s a good excuse. Conversely if she always wants to see you all the time, you can tell her you think she’s too needy and you want to see that she isn’t a codependent nutcase (not exactly in those words) before you commit to a relationship. Try to avoid reasons that put yourself at fault (i.e. “I’m just not ready”) or something that’s her fault but that she can easily change.

Also realize that while she is asking for exclusivity, there is a lot more bundled up in the “relationship” package than just exclusivity. She wants to feel loved, to feel safe, to feel special, to feel like you won’t run away and abandon her, etc. You want to emphasize those other facets that you are willing to provide. Tell her you really like her, you love hanging out with her, she’s special to you, you would hate to see her sad, and so on. Combine this with a reasonable excuse, and you should be able to buy yourself some extra time.

But accept the fact that women ultimately want a stable relationship and children, and if you aren’t willing to provide that, they won’t stay around forever. Keep your game tight, because you will lose girls and have to replace them. And, of course, if you do eventually come to the point where you want to settle down with one woman, there is absolutely no shame in doing so. If you find a woman who is worth the commitment and makes you happy, then go for it.

The Inner Workings of the Sexual Market Are Being Revealed to the Masses

Unlike economic markets, the sexual market is mostly a zero sum game. Women–attractive women especially–are a finite commodity, and men compete for them. If you get yourself a woman, either as your wife or an addition to your harem, that means the number of women available to me drops by one. Really the only realistic win-win scenario I could imagine would be to introduce a societal change that raises the quality of women across the board (maybe ban women from going to McDonald’s). But generally speaking, your gain is another man’s loss, and vice versa.

For this reason, it is imperative for those of us who want to come out ahead that we remain one step ahead of the masses of hapless beta males. As I’ve explained before, the changing sexual market is terrible for civilized society as a whole, but great for the few guys who know how to take advantage of it. Having game is like having short positions in a market that’s crashing. Great for you; not so much for everybody else.

So it naturally behooves us who are in the know to keep a finger on the pulse of the normal population. They are waking up. They are beginning to realize that the Disney storybook romance they’ve been sold bears little resemblance to reality. Here is a bit of evidence I stumbled upon yesterday that shows this to be the case:

If you don’t recognize the page, the Tasteless Gentleman is a facebook page that mostly shares dirty jokes. And it is very popular, as you probably could surmise from the 22,000 likes on the picture.

The meme is funny, but it is also frighteningly accurate. Modern women essentially bank on the expectation that they can sleep around and get treated to the finer things in life while they’re young and hot, and then when their looks start to fade, sell off their overused vaginas to some poor beta male who will happily marry them and look after them (and pay them alimony after the inevitable divorce).

So what do normal men do upon learning this unfortunately reality of the universe? A few things. First, and perhaps most obviously, they stop agreeing to marry the 30 year old former sluts, since they realize they’re getting a raw deal. After that, they essentially have two options: either just give up on women altogether and make do with their porn and video games (like those pathetic MGTOW guys or the Japanese “herbivores“), or double down and become more attractive than the men around them to get casual sex with the sluts while they are still young and hot. Clearly if they choose the former option it is good for us existing players, and the latter option is decidedly not. With proliferation of PUA knowledge on the internet, I expect a large portion of men to choose the latter, which means that we have to step up our game to be able to compete with the incoming hordes of aspiring players.

Another consideration is how women respond. Eventually women will collectively begin to notice that their “slut it up now, get married later” strategy isn’t working as well as it used to. Like the millennial college grads who expected a good job to be waiting for them but instead ended up working part time at Starbucks, the women turning 30 will discover that the husband they expected to be waiting for them is nowhere to be found and instead have to console themselves with cats and Zoloft. Presumably younger women will take notice and adapt their strategy accordingly by skipping the cock carousel and instead getting married at a young age. This means fewer hot, easy young girls on the market for us.

The PUA community has always been an interesting mix of competing idealism and opportunism. Idealists will be happy that the truth is finally reaching the masses. Opportunists will be unhappy that their insider knowledge is being exposed. Those of us that fall somewhere in the middle of that spectrum (such as yours truly) have mixed feelings.

The Power of Instagram Game

My main focus over the last couple of years in the online sphere has been learning how to pick up girls on Instagram. I gained a particularly enthusiastic fan this morning, and I thought I’d show you one page of my notifications.

screenshot_20161126-134749_edited

I blocked out her picture in the post for the sake of preserving her anonymity, but this girl is a solid 8 out of 10. Beautiful, thin, light-skinned, dark haired girl. Looks about 20 years old. Exactly my type. She lives in Brazil (obviously her English isn’t great), so I can’t have her immediately, but it is pretty clear what would happen if I were to travel to her town or vice versa.

I’m not a bad looking guy, but I’m certainly no Brad Pitt either. What I do have is an Instagram profile, pictures, videos, and captions that exude high value. And I’ve built up a large amount of social proof. Studies, as well as my own experience, have shown that women’s perception of a man’s physical attractiveness are affected to a large extent by his other (more important) attractive qualities, such as how he carries himself and how other people respond to him. That is, a man with social proof and a high-value portrayal of himself will be considered far more handsome to women than a man who looks exactly the same but lacks those qualities. Seems counterintuitive, but it’s true. I guarantee you I am most certainly NOT the most handsome man this girl’s eyes have ever seen. But the social proof I’ve built and the value I portray color her perception of me so as to make me much more “handsome” than my looks alone would warrant.

Of course by now I’m sure you’re wondering how I built up this high value image. My full method is available in my comprehensive program, Instagram Seduction, but for now I’ll give you a few tips. If you haven’t already, check out part one and part two of my three-part series for online game in general to learn how to portray value and fit a sexy archetype. Got it? Great! Now I’m going to give you a powerful tip to build your social proof.

What do you do when you see a girl you don’t recognize like or comment on one of your photos? You probably go look at that girl’s profile, and maybe like some of her photos. Girls do the same thing. If you like one of their photos, they’ll go look at your profile and (usually) reciprocate. If they really like you (which a lot of them will if you followed my program), then they’ll like a lot of your pictures, follow you, leave gushing comments, etc. The Brazilian girl in the above example either found me because I liked one of her photos, or possibly from my hashtag strategy.

I won’t go over my hashtag strategy here (though I explain it in full in Instagram Seduction), but I will tell you how to find the girls who are likely be interested in you so you can like their photos and make them aware of your existence. Remember that sexy archetype you set up? Figure out what the female equivalent to that archetype is. If you’re a rock star, you want groupies. If you’re an athlete, you want female athletes. If you’re a spiritual hippie, you want hippie-ettes. Figure out what hashtags they use to tag their content. Rocker girls might use “#rockgirl”, “#rockergirl”, etc. Hippie girls might use “#hippiegirl”, “#spiritual”, “#yogagirl”, etc. Try searching these hashtags until you find one that is used by a lot of girls (and not a lot of guys). Obviously having the word “girl” in the hashtag will filter out guys, but many other hashtags will be used mostly by girls as well, even if they don’t directly specify.

Once you find a good hashtag, go down the list of content under that hashtag (I usually skip the “Top Posts”, because the girls there get so much attention they’re less likely to notice you) and like every picture that’s of a girl. You can spend a lot of time doing this, so don’t waste your life away. But even a few minutes of this will produce noticeable results. If this works for you, I’ll show you how to make it even quicker, easier, and more effective in Instagram Seduction. Getting to the point where women are falling all over themselves over you (as in the above example) does take a bit of time and effort, but I guarantee you it is worth every second.