Women are weird. As someone whose job it is to observe how women behave, they still surprise me sometimes. I want to share a story with you that illustrates the strange, seemingly unpredictable fluctuations in a woman’s desire to fornicate.
I matched with a girl on Tinder some six months ago. Let’s call her Amy. Amy was a cute, laid back stoner chick. I don’t remember much of the initial interaction, but I know we talked on the phone a bit and I thought she seemed pretty cool. For some reason I can’t remember, we never ended up actually meeting.
Just last week I got a text message from a number I didn’t recognize. I asked who it was, and the unknown texter sent me several photos. One of which was her in a bra with her nipple slipping out a little bit. I didn’t recognize who she was; at first I thought she was a girl I had known in high school. As you probably guessed, it wasn’t the girl from high school, it was Amy. Long story short: I went over to her apartment that night and was balls deep in her love tunnel ten minutes later.
Of course I was pretty happy about this turn of events. But it struck me as a little strange. What made this girl whom I’d never actually met and basically forgotten about all of a sudden decide she wanted my man meat in her girl cave after six months of no contact? It didn’t really make sense. It was her, after all, who had weaseled out of going on a date after we had first met on Tinder.
The answer, as it often is, is that women are just different. They’re complicated. It’s difficult for us men to understand because we are so much simpler. If she’s hot, available, and the wife isn’t home, we want to bang. Clear, simple, end of story.
Women aren’t so simple. There are a lot of different reasons why women sleep with men, and there are even more reasons why they might not want to. Examples of the former include general horniness, desire to make babies, trade for something (i.e. money), excitement, revenge, etc. Reasons they might choose not to have sex include lack of libido, fear of social judgment, fear of being hurt, self-consciousness (this is a surprisingly big one even for hot girls), psychological issues with intimacy, or a whole host of other reasons. The pros have to outweigh the cons in her mind if she is going to have sex with you.
Since there are so many reasons, and these may change from time to time, it would serve us well to understand that just because a woman isn’t DTF one day doesn’t mean she won’t be a day or a week or six months later. As such, even if you fail the first time you might succeed later. Depending on the situation, it may be worth trying again.
In my particular case, since am an ever-curious researcher of the mating tendencies of the human female, I asked Amy why she had blown me off at first and made contact again six months later. She told me that she was intimidated by me and was afraid I would reject her. She only worked up the courage to meet me in person after she had spent six months going to the gym and getting in shape. Totally unexpected. Of course, one should always take women’s explanations of their own behavior with a grain of salt, since they often don’t fully understand or are unwilling to admit their true desires. But I think she was telling the truth.
The takeaway from this is twofold. One: it’s not always you. Sometimes it’s the situation. And situations change. And two: what seems like a rejection may be nothing of the sort. She may be totally interested in you but is afraid of being rejected herself. In this case, trying to build more attraction won’t help at all; instead you need to build comfort. If you are to attain maximal success in your dealings with the fairer sex, you need to recognize both possibilities.