In a past article I outlined which types of game are best for which personal characteristics and personality types. If you decided that you would like to focus your efforts on online game (that is, meeting girls on apps and websites), this series will give you a solid foundation for doing so. The information I’m sharing here is generally applicable to any sort of online game, whether you’re using Tinder, POF, Instagram, Facebook or something else. Each individual platform will have its own unique tricks and strategies, which you should definitely explore after choosing a platform. But these are the basics that apply to any platform.
Building a Profile
Whatever platform you’re using, whether it is a website/app explicitly designed for dating, like Tinder or POF, or it is a general social networking app, you usually have to set up a profile consisting of, at the very least, some pictures and a description of yourself. This profile determine what the women on your platform think of you and how they assess your sexual market value. I like to start with the five attraction triggers (link NSFW) first divined by PUA godfather Mystery as a basis for both my pictures and profile description. These are the five attraction triggers:
- Pre-selection by women
- Leader of men
- Protector of loved ones
- Ability and willingness to emote
- Successful risk taker
This will form the basis of our online strategy. We also need to consider some implications of these attraction triggers that may not be obvious to us at first glance. For example, men who are pre-selected by women (which is the most important of the five triggers in my experience) can be expected to act a certain way. If the way you act is congruent with the way a man who is a popular ladies’ man is expected to act, this will work in your favor. However if you pretend to be pre-selected by women but act in a way that is not congruent with that characterization, women will be turned off.
Think for a second about a man you know whom women love. If you don’t know a guy like that in real life, think about a celebrity (but someone you know in real life is preferable). He may be rich or tall or good looking, but ignore all that external stuff for a moment. How does he carry himself? How does he act? What does he do for fun? What is his general attitude about life? How does he talk to attractive women?
Chances are your lothario friend is calm, confident, usually in a good mood, expresses himself freely, is involved in a variety of interesting activities, doesn’t put in much effort trying to get people (male or female) to like him, and feels entitled to the affection of beautiful women. This is the attitude of the alpha male–the man who is pre-selected by women–and you want this attitude to come through your online profile.
How would the ladies’ man set up his profile? You can probably figure this out for yourself if you think about it for a minute, but I’ll share my answers as well. He would have pictures of himself with cool people and doing interesting, fun things. He would be the center of attention and have women close to him. He would look relaxed, happy, and energetic. He would share a bit about himself, but probably keep it pretty short (he has all sorts of interesting things competing for his time, after all). He would have high standards in what he expects from women.
You are going to create the same impression for yourself. You may not be a ladies’ man (yet). Maybe you haven’t even gotten laid in the last year. That’s okay, because women don’t need to know that. It’s all about the impression, and you’re going to fake it until you make it.
If you are using a platform that is explicitly designed for dating (such as POF, OKCupid, Tinder, Match, etc.), you are going to have to come up with a good answer for the question “If you’re such a ladies’ man, why do you need an online dating profile?”. Regardless of whether or not a girl asks you this question outright, you can be pretty sure she is going to be thinking it. You should have a convincing answer to that question, and might want to allude to it in your profile description. If you look at women’s profiles, they do this all the time. They always have some excuse: “I’m too busy to meet men in real life” or “I didn’t want to make a profile so my friend made it for me” or “I’m just on here for fun because I was bored at home”. You need a similar excuse. Girls can see through a lot of these (they do it too, after all), so unfortunately none of them are foolproof. My favorites have been some variant of either “I’m really picky, and I’m trying to find the perfect girl whom I haven’t come across in person” or “I work for myself and I’m a health nut who doesn’t go to bars (or I find girls in bars to be trashy and not worth my time), so I don’t really have any good way to meet girls”.
Of course, the best way to overcome this objection is to use a platform that isn’t explicitly meant for dating. I’ve had amazing success with this on Instagram (more on that later). I’ve heard of some guys having success using Facebook. I bet an enterprising soul could even come up with a good method for getting girls on LinkedIn (I have yet to try that one). The point is that being on Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn does not automatically subcommunicate “I need online dating because I can’t get women in real life” the way typical online dating profiles do. Once a girl I matched on Tinder asked me “I saw your Instagram and you’re really popular, why are you on Tinder?”. To women, non-dating apps and websites are almost as good as real life pre-selection.
That said, your picture selection criteria is going to be pretty much the same regardless of whether you’re using a dating app or a non-dating app. I like to go through the attraction triggers list and post at least one photo that displays each of them. To demonstrate pre-selection by women, I post photos of me with attractive girls. The more the attractive girls seem to be interested in me, the better. You do want to make this somewhat subtle though; you don’t want photos of you kissing your ex-girlfriend. To show that you are a leader of men, you want to have pictures of you with other guys (preferably guys who look cool and put together) looking like you’re the leader or the center of attention. The easiest way to do this is just to position yourself in the center of a group photo. It gives the impression that you’re the most important.
You can’t directly show that you’re a protector of loved ones, but you can hint that you are a badass who is capable of protecting those you care about. Pictures of you showing off your massive biceps, or playing a grueling sport, or punching a bag, or shooting guns all have that effect. Pictures of you holding your dog or a small child might also convey the message that you are capable of caring for others. Willingness to emote is easy to show in photos; you just show some emotion in your facial expression and body language. One of the best emotions to show is triumph. Like an athlete with his hands in the air after he just scored the winning goal in the World Cup final. Just make sure your face doesn’t look exactly the same in every photo. Lastly is successful risk taker. You want photos of you doing something that most men would be afraid to do. This could be one of many things, including skydiving, cage fighting, performing on stage in front of a lot of people, etc. It could also be something socially fearless, like striking a funny pose in the middle of a crowded park.
If you can cover all five bases in your photos, you’re doing great. You may even cover multiple bases in one photo, which is awesome. Now your profile description is going be somewhat different depending on whether you’re using a dating app or a non-dating app. For a dating app, you should include three things: a description of yourself, a reference to why you’re on the app (as described above), and a description of what you’re looking for. On a non-dating app, you only need the description of yourself. Your description should ground your profile a bit, including some more mundane details about yourself (expressed in an interesting way, of course) so that girls can see that you’re a real person (the more outlandish profiles I’ve tried in the past have sometimes prompted girls to actually ask if I was a real person). You’ll want to make your description pretty short. If you’re on a dating app, I recommend you make your description of what you want in a girl a little bit longer than your description of yourself. You want to subcommunicate that you are the chooser and she needs to qualify herself to you to meet your high standards.
In the next article in this series, I’ll go over some more specifics for building a profile along with a guide for choosing an archetype. Stay tuned.