I know I am far from the first pickup artist to share this sentiment, and I know this kind of warning is usually ignored, but I was feeling particularly introspective today and I feel that I bear some responsibility to my readers to reiterate this point anyway. Learning game–that is, how to attract women–does not mean that you have to fuck huge numbers of girls. It does, of course, give you the ability to do so if you so choose. It is in our biological nature to desire sexual variety, so many men who learn game do just that. And it is fun. But in this post I want to make the point that there are significant drawbacks to being a player, such that it may be worth practicing a little restraint even when you have effectively unlimited options.
I’ve slept with a lot of girls, but I’ve never been the fuck ’em and leave ’em type. I like sexual variety, but like most men I also have a deep longing for loving, meaningful relationships with women. In practice, I tend to go for a balance of both, and I end up with a series of overlapping mini-relationships with a bunch of different girls (“spinning plates”, to use the Red Pill parlance). I’ve had my fair share of both one night stands and exclusive relationships as well, but more commonly I go for the non-exclusive mini-relationships.
As with most things in life, you can’t have everything. If you only have one night stands, any meaningful connection you might feel is ripped away from you after the night is over. If you get married, you give up sexual variety to be faithful to your wife. And mini-relationships come with their own special set of associated sorrows.
Part of what inspired me to write this post was this article from the ever-wise hedonic guru Chateau Heartiste. In response to the question of what happens to the girls with whom he has his mini-relationships, Heartiste responds:
Some drifted away, some left purposefully, some cried on my porch, some stormed off angrily. Some texted forlornly, but got no reply at all.
The women never left, they just faded to gray.
I found this to be a heart-wrenchingly accurate description. The sad truth of the matter is that if you pursue this strategy, you will meet many beautiful, sweet, happy young girls, grow to have a great deal of affection for them, and then–after depleting a portion of their precious youth–inevitably break their hearts.
Sometimes you get lucky and the universe sees fit to present you with an easy way out, but other times you will have no choice but to endure a tearful goodbye with a girl you sincerely care about who just can no longer handle your unwillingness to be with her and only her. Unless you happen to be blessed (?) with a particularly sociopathic predisposition, this will leave you feeling sad, lonely, and guilty.
And that guilt will slowly eat away at your soul, like a little rabbit nibbling on a piece of lettuce. The more you lose, the more calloused you will become, the better you will get at attracting girls, but the harder it will be to have a real, meaningful relationship. It is a cruel paradox of human nature that the more a man appreciates and longs for the love of a woman, the less women find him desirable.
Of course I am not suggesting that you shouldn’t learn game. Quite the contrary: whether your goal is to fuck a thousand women or to find your soul mate, either way you will be more likely to attain your goals if you have game. So keep learning, but take some time to really be honest with yourself about what it is that you really want. And don’t sacrifice part of your humanity without being aware of the consequences.
As for me, perhaps one day in the near future I’ll stumble upon a woman who meets my (perhaps unrealistically high) standards for a long-term partner, eschew the noisy hedonism of big city life, and move away to the country to pursue a more wholesome and fulfilling life. Or maybe I’ll be unable to pry myself away from the plentiful pussy of the urban metropolis and stay single forever. Time will tell.